Brains! 2063.4: Mediocrity

[aaronweiner]

How average are the Jacksonville Zombies this year? The jokes have been making their way around the airwaves. Each team wife has exactly 1.9 children. Each fan eats 1.4 hot dogs each game. There have been jokes about genitalia, balance beams, and minutes in the bathroom. Not Your Average Joe's, a Northeast restaurant chain, offered a special when Jacksonville came to Charm City: "Not Your Average Joe's Hates The Jacksonville Zombies" with fried gator bites and red snapper for $58.72 (the average cost of an individual meal out in 2063). They're right, though: Jacksonville has been undeniably, unquestionably average this year, finishing every week within 3 games of .500 since April and are currently, you guessed it, 61-61.

"F--- Not Your Average Joe's," said Gabe Manuel, who was seen eating at Hip Hop Fish and Chicken. "Besides, I get enough gator bites at home."

Still, the Zombies are ironically why averages don't tell the whole story, despite their obvious mediocrity. Jacksonville is first in the JL in homers (second only to Des Moines in the BBA), first in JL walks (3rd overall), and is in a dead heat for first place in runs scored with Phoenix and Rosenblatt. Yet they are 14th in runs against and rate near the bottom in nearly every defensive metric. This makes for entertaining games, where the Zombies have to outhit their opponents to win.

"One thing you know when you go out to a Zombies games is that you're not going to be bored," said Jacksonville podcaster Tsaot Ahear, who runs the podcast A Homer Is Entertaining No Matter Who Hits It. "You don't know if they're going to score ten, or the Zombies will score ten, or both of them will, or whether you'll see every pitcher on both teams, or whether Randolph Clarke will have to pitch an inning (so far not)."

Jacksonville is so mediocre this season that they haven't even had a single month that was more than three games away from .500 this season; their best month was a 15-14 May, and their worst was June, at 12-15. However, don't tell the batsmen on the team. Pepe Aragon has a sizeable lead in home runs and Gabriel Manuel is in the top ten despite missing three weeks with a hamstring injury, and they've done a lot of this without cleanup hitter Majd bin Nawaf, who missed two months earlier this year but has been on fire since the All-Star Break.

"We obviously have some work to do, but this is the second straight year that we're at the top of the leaderboards in key offensive metrics," said Zombies' GM Aaron Weiner. "Don't worry - we're going to get on this ASAP."

[Graham]

who runs the podcast A Homer Is Entertaining No Matter Who Hits It.

Big fan. Loved their two-hour interview with @woods earlier in the season.

[aaronweiner]

who runs the podcast A Homer Is Entertaining No Matter Who Hits It.

Big fan. Loved their two-hour interview with @woods earlier in the season.

I didn't mention this because it's just baseball around here all the time, but the podcast is both a Zombies podcast and a pickup advice call in for Zombies fans.