The team is reported to have paid as much as $10M in three separate transactions for the services of six underaged baseball players.
“We’ve seen the receipts,” one unnamed contact said. “They are stained with Poutine and some kind of egg-like thing, so everyone is sure Montreal and Phoenix are involved in some fashion.” The contact went on to say that Camacho’s first order of business is likely to trace down the meaning of a note that suggests some kind of token, and a set of free passes to Mikki Manning wannabe Alanis Morisette's tribute band are also involved in the payoff scheme. There’s also a odd riddle about naked ladies behind three doors, which sounds a little too much like a Goldilocks thing to us, so we’re just not going there.
The players are all supposed to arrive in the Mad Popes International Complex, and appear to have been laundered through other organizations before arriving. The leak was not specific about the players, or even if they really are baseball players. “All we can say for sure is that we know they are supposed to ‘bring their own glove’ – whatever that means. And that they are going to ‘room together’ to save money.”
Camacho did not take our call, but his voice mail message suggested that “I’m really looking forward to getting back at Sacramento…er…getting back to Sacramento.”
Mad Pope GM Shoeless Olmsted was unavailable for comment at the time of this release, as his office staff said he was off in a wild celebration of unknown origin that included dinner, banana bread, and several bottles of wine.
