To: BrownT@ Sox.com
From SosaJ@ Sox.com
SUBJECT: Team Update
We’re screwed. Or let me put that another way, we’re really screwed. I did as you asked and submitted contract offers to the agents of that very lengthy list you gave me but not one even got back to me. I’ve just heard they all signed elsewhere. I managed to get hold of Velkommen’s agent Max Imumcash who when he’d stopped laughing tried to explain why his client favoured Montreal
. “ Montreal and in fact anywhere is preferable to the Windy City and the Black Sux. Hans would like to at least have a chance of a .500 record. In Chicago there would be more chance of the third Reich rising from the ashes of what passes for a united Germany. We Germans like a joke with the best of them but joining Chicago would be too much, even with the offer of every other weekend in Hawaii.”
The response was fairly typical of the view of everyone we approached. I was throwing cash, drugs, sexual favours at players by the end but it was no good, the 59-103 record was the only thing they wanted to talk about. One even said “ Hawaii sucks too but at least they have Ho’s Hoes and sunshine. What does Chicago have? “
Not sure where we go from here. Oh forgot to add, the trade for McHugh went through, we should be Ok till the hallucinogens wear off , at the minute he still thinks He’s been traded to Baltimore. I’ve got Faulkner checking him now and again, as he’s the only member of the roster who’s not furious about still being here. Not sure what he’s got to smile about, maybe you were right about him and using a helmet.
Anyway let me know your thoughts, I think we may be wise to start looking at some of the minor league rosters and quick. Having said that the cupboards pretty bare there too, especially if we start selling the half decent ones off.
From: BrownT@ Sox.com
To: SosaJ@ Sox.com
SUBJECT: Team Update
What! Not one! Not even Rebhan? The guy’s one step off embalming! I guess it’s back to the drawing board, you can start by getting Bunjiro and Hakubi on the practice field. It’s about time those overpaid clowns started earning their big salaries. You still sure we can’t ship them out? Surely some of those jokers in the EBA need an elderly Japanese infielder? Maybe Belfast need to up their shirt sales, they’re at least popular back home in Tokyo. That said we’re going to need to get creative, I suppose kidnapping and blackmail is out of the question? You still have those photos of Hoot, Rechtenwald and Ryder? I think we may need to dust them off…….