2063 Official Notice: Tommy Akers Banned from Kum & Go Kourtyard

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2063 Official Notice: Tommy Akers Banned from Kum & Go Kourtyard

Post by JRamirez » Wed May 28, 2025 6:06 pm

OFFICIAL NOTICE OF TRESPASSING ISSUED AGAINST THOMAS “STEW” AKERS
Issued by: Office of Venue Operations, Kid Krauss's Kum & Go Kourtyard, A Premier Convenience Retail Establishment and Affiliate of the Des Moines Kernels Baseball Club
Date of Issuance: April 16, 2063

Image

To: Mr. Thomas "Tommy" aka "Stew" Akers
c/o The Louisville Sluggers Baseball Organization
Off Topic
FORMAL NOTICE OF PROHIBITION AGAINST ENTRY AND TRESPASS
You, Thomas Akers, are hereby formally notified and instructed, effective immediately and until further notice, that you are PROHIBITED from entering upon, or remaining within, any portion of Kid Krauss's Kum & Go Kourtyard property. This prohibition includes, but is not limited to, all buildings, playing fields, spectator areas, concession stands, aisles, entryways, exits, parking lots, and any other appurtenances or grounds associated with the Kum & Go Kourtyard.
Reason for Issuance of this Notice:
This Exclusionary Order and Notice of Trespassing is issued pursuant to the inherent rights of private property ownership and in accordance with the strategic re-envisioning of the Kum & Go Kourtyard as a premier convenience retail environment under the operational standards and brand ethos of its primary corporate sponsor, Kum & Go, with "base ball" as an optional, seasonal, and ancillary activity at the Kourtyard.

Following extensive review and due consideration, and in the prudent exercise of its sound business judgment, the management of the Des Moines Kernels and the Kum & Go Kourtyard has determined that your anticipated professional activities upon the premises are incompatible with, and potentially disruptive to, the core commercial mission, established customer service protocols, and the overarching brand ethos of "the local Kum & Go" as a leading convenience destination. Specifically, your presence and engagement in high-level athletic competition are deemed to pose an unacceptable risk of interference with the tranquil and orderly atmosphere conducive to leisurely retail engagement, impulse snack purchasing, and the overall unique shopping experience we are dedicated to providing our patrons.

This measure is deemed necessary to preserve this unique customer experience, ensure the orderly conduct of commerce, and maintain the carefully curated ambiance of the Kum & Go Kourtyard. This decision is rendered without prejudice and is predicated solely upon legitimate, non-discriminatory business considerations vital to the successful operation of the Kum & Go Kourtyard's expanded retail initiatives and its primary function as a Kum & Go convenience store. It has nothing to do with your winter decision to abandon the fans of the Des Moines Kernels and sign with Louisville.

Regarding Property: The premises and all associated facilities commonly known as Kid Krauss’s Kum & Go Kourtyard, located at Des Moines, PA, which facility is legally operating with a primary commercial emphasis as a public convenience store and secondarily as an entertainment venue that features contests of "base ball" during off-winter months.

Authority:
This Order is issued by the duly authorized management of the Kum & Go Kourtyard and the Des Moines Kernels organization, pursuant to its rights as a private property operator and in accordance with the Business Judgment Rule.

Consequences of Violation:
Should you enter or remain upon said property in defiance of this legally binding Notice of Trespassing, you will be considered a trespasser. Venue security and/or law enforcement officials will be instructed to effect your immediate removal from the premises.

Furthermore, such unauthorized entry will subject you to arrest and prosecution for criminal trespass to the fullest extent permitted under the applicable statutes of, which may include, but are not limited to, significant fines, potential imprisonment, and a permanent record of such transgression that could adversely affect your future eligibility to purchase premium fountain beverages, Kernels Piping Hot Microwave Popcorn, and assorted confections at the entire chain of Kum & Go retail establishments.

Your compliance with this Notice is expected.
Sincerely,

Jibwa Smortningaling
Office of Venue Operations
Kum & Go Kourtyard

Bradley Quibly
Head Legal Honcho
The DMO
Des Moines Kernels Baseball Club
Des Moines Kernels, 2059 to present.
Confector of Piping Hot™ Microwave popcorn-you-can-bring-to-the-game. Like our team news, it's all in good taste™.

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shoeless.db
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Re: 2063 Official Notice: Tommy Akers Banned from Kum & Go Kourtyard

Post by shoeless.db » Thu May 29, 2025 7:27 am

Can you write up murder charge against Carlos Silva? He decimated my birds.

Hmm. Maybe I’ll just have to hire my own Head Legal Honcho.
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Re: 2063 Official Notice: Tommy Akers Banned from Kum & Go Kourtyard

Post by aaronweiner » Thu May 29, 2025 11:41 am

New, from Legalzoom.com: team news templates.

Also: “Cops is filmed live from Kim Krauss’ Kum and Go Kourtyard.”

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Re: 2063 Official Notice: Tommy Akers Banned from Kum & Go Kourtyard

Post by RT60 » Thu May 29, 2025 3:50 pm

Early Caleca nominee for me. Tommy will be sure to steer clear of that property in Des Moines, PA. This reply is made in accordance with the Business Judgment Rule, LOL.

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Re: 2063 Official Notice: Tommy Akers Banned from Kum & Go Kourtyard

Post by JRamirez » Thu May 29, 2025 6:27 pm

RT60 wrote:
Thu May 29, 2025 3:50 pm
Early Caleca nominee for me. Tommy will be sure to steer clear of that property in Des Moines, PA. This reply is made in accordance with the Business Judgment Rule, LOL.
apparently, there is an error in the document, it is supposed to be IA not PA
Des Moines Kernels, 2059 to present.
Confector of Piping Hot™ Microwave popcorn-you-can-bring-to-the-game. Like our team news, it's all in good taste™.

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