2063-001: Talons Tempt Fate by Sending Players to RNG Lab (Again)

[jiminyhopkins]

Daytona Beach, FL--

Ten extremely lucky Talons players have reported to Phoenix's spring training site in Daytona Beach to participate in the Talons' RNG Lab. In programs ranging from a few weeks to a few months, these Talon "athletes" will subject themselves to the casino that influences almost everything about their reality. Talons Scouting Director Schytt E. Pyck explained: "It's all about rolling the dice, right? Everything from a players' injury incidence, talent changes, and year-to-year stats all the way down to their playing weight and contract demands are due to the Random Number Generator that we call life. So why not add another variable into the mix and see what happens? It's total chaos! And we love it!"

Let's take a look at who is subjecting their careers to pure mathematical fate this offseason:

1B Israel Perez will do the Plate Discipline program. This guy is the reason that Your Mom was let go, so this shit better work.
1B G'Tuda Choppa will do the Two Strike Approach program, because he K'd 137 times last year.
3B Mas'ud bin Salah al Din will Improve Infield Defense to try and help that "5" Error rating at third base.
CF Pedro Toro will try and improve Base Stealing Technique because we didn't want to risk a detrimental result in CF defense.
SP Javier Duarte will try to Improve Control because we just hate seeing all those "6" ratings. Seems way too average.
RP Gabriel Carlos will also do the Improve Control thing, because he is rated "4" there.
CL Manuel Parra will hopefully see Secondary Pitch Improvement because if he doesn't, that stuck curveball will ruin him.
SP Daniel Grasia will do the Secondary Pitch Improvement thing as well because we hate him and he was a bad 1st round pick.
SP Francisco Moreno? Secondary Pitch Improvement. Because why not. Maybe he can be a #5 starter.
RP Eduardo Brawner will do Strength and Conditioning because we are afraid to try it on someone actually important.

Go Talons!

[Trebro]

I'm impressed you decided to risk Choppa. The others make a lot of sense to me.