2062-003: Talons Sign Nearly 240 WAR to Their Astoundingly Bad AAA Team

[jiminyhopkins]

Surprise, AZ--

The Talons have shocked the baseball world by signing two sure-fire Hall of Famers that bring nearly 240 combined career WAR to their laughably bad Triple-A team here in this Phoenix suburb.

The Talons spent about 500k in minor league contracts with bonuses for Manobu Shimizu and Felix Roman to play for a Surprise club that finished with a .396 winning percentage last year. Shimuzu played his entire career for Madison, winning 2 Silks and 9 Pucketts along the way to a 103 career WAR total, with a .974 career OPS. Meanwhile, Roman split his time with Boise and Mexico City, with a couple seasons in Charm City for good measure. Roman has 135.6 career WAR and has hit nearly 1000 home runs in BBA action. Now, both legends will wither away the final games of their career in a soulless, faceless suburb only 10 miles away from Denny's Paul D. Lunn Memorial Stadium Presented by Subaru.

An observer has recently observed: "What the hell was everyone thinking here? Are Shimizu and Roman mentally ill? Why would they want to play for the Surprise Talons, well regarded as the trash heap of not only the Talons franchise, but the entire BBA? And what's with the fans, for chrissake! We're seeing improved season ticket sales and revenue for Phoenix here. Do they think that these two legendary Hall of Famers will just show up at the big league park and say 'hi'?? Surprise might as well be back in Northern Wisconsin like they used to be, because there is no way these two guys ever set foot on the big club!"

Go (Surprise) Talons!

[Trebro]

Those September call ups are gonna be epic.

[Dington]

All they ever wanted was to play for the Liberty. Damn minor league age limits.