In a move that is sure to ruffle a few feathers and direct even more ire toward the PhoenixTM franchise, TalonsTM officials today announced that any pending visits to the Greater Central Arizona Metropolitan AreaTM by the group known as "Gertie's Girls" will not be welcomed at the one place where they might be most at home: The World's Largest Denny's TM.
Paul KrugmanTM, Talons Director of Stadium Operations And Fan ExperienceTM, explained. "We here at Central Arizona Concessions LLCTM dba Phoenix Talons Base Ball Club IncorporatedTM take things very seriously when it comes to Denny'sTM Paul D. Lunn Memorial StadiumTM Presented by SubaruTM," he began.
"We have been watching with great interest the various travels and adventures of the groupies known as 'Gertie's Girls'TM and I have to say that we are not looking forward to any potential visit. They are up to stadium #27 now, and let me say, we're getting a bit nervous, because any moment now, we could be next!" Krugman said.
"The TalonsTM are a very serious baseball organization that takes winning and competing extremely seriously. We are also intensely serious about a seamless fan experience where the fans and their money are parted with the utmost efficiency. Our serious, determined, and profoundly committed team has been nothing but incredibly serious for like three decades now and we aren't about to let a rag-tag group of fun loving ladies disrupt our, er, seriousness," Krugman concluded.
The Talons Reclusive GMTM concurred with his employee's statements. "Yep, totally serious. Don't have time for absurdity, joviality, satire, sardonic wit, or any other shenanigans around here. The World's Largest Denny'sTM is a cultural institution and we can't afford to have it be disrupted by this fun-loving, kind, adventurous, and frankly highly entertaining group of elderly women. Nope. Too serious for that stuff around here!"
The GM also left with a threat of sorts: "Mark my words, if we see those 'Girls' around here, we will have to take drastic measures like putting Ernest McBride on waivers and leaving Your MomTM to rot in double-A all season."
"In fact, just today I had to release starting pitcher Jaypee Estancia just to show you all how serious we are about this serious matter."
Go Talons!TM
Not allowed in Phoenix!!
