2060-007: Talons Present Another Low Effort Team News Where The Team "Announces Their Opening Day Roster" Or Something

[jiminyhopkins]

Austin, TX--

The Talons Workaday GM has put together a Workaday roster full of Workaday players. Are they any good? You be the judge!

ROTATION
LHP Damian Theophanous
RHP Takehide Gertrudes
RHP Nick Rivers
RHP Waseem bin Suhayb
RHP Tian-bai Chio
Another rotation full of #3 starters? Well, except for Chio of course. He should be a long reliever. At least these guys are durable and should keep the Talons in most games. We hope. Well, actually, we just hope that Takehide has a good first half so we can trade him for a 40POT scrub in June.

BULLPEN
RHP Josh Dougherty
RHP Huang Cheng
RHP Jodie Hanna
LHP Larry Strong
RHP Ángel Villanueva
RHP Lucas Rose
RHP Ming-hoa Jing
Josh Dougherty is amazing and would net a huge return in trade. Too bad he has a NTC. The Workaday GM should have unchecked that box when he re-signed his closer! Everyone will Huang Cheng tonight when he's on the mound. Villanueva can start or relieve. And what's this? A GIRL is the Talons' third best reliever???

CATCHER
C Tony López
C Justin Bonfield
Would love to keep Lopez in Toledo to win a Pegler League championship, but ya gotta call these guys up sometime. Bonfield had 2.5 WAR last season but for some reason no other GM really wanted him in trade talks over the winter. They will split time 50/50.

INFIELD
1B Keith Kerfoot
2B Miguel Martínez
SS Augusto Vargas
3B Ángel Zalapa
INF Jorge Gallegos
INF Theodosio Palazim (Rule V)
Thankfully, the waiver wire delivered Vargas and prevented us from having to start Gallegos at shortstop. Kerfoot is only making 2 million but he had a sneaky 30/30 season last year. Zalapa begins his Farewell Tour^TM, pending BBA approval. Miguel Martinez had 5 WAR in 2058, but you wouldn't know it based on his ratings.

OUTFIELD/DH
LF Michael O'Halloran
LF Winston Carreon
CF Juan Cabrera
RF Anurodha Nayar
RF Feng-yi Fung
DH Your Mom
Your Mom returns at DH for 2060, while LF is a choice between a power hitter and a contact hitter. An injury to the starting CF (see below) means that Liberty graduate Cabrera has the job, despite the good ol' Development Lab literally increasing his injury chances this season.

INURED LIST
CF Pael Millares
LHP Run-ming Zhu
Millares is actually a decent player but will miss the first three weeks, along with setup man Zhu. Could have been worse, though.

FINAL CUTS:
RHP Sergio Herrera
COF Na'il Hisham
MGR Ian Patrick Anderson
Pour one out for ol' IPA. Its the end of the line, and its all due to Rule V pick Palazim. Na'il Hisham got elbowed out of LF and will play for Toledo. Herrera is in AAA and will be the first callup when needed.


(This was mainly an exercise to test @Lane's Link Generator. It's amazing, thank you!!!!)

[Lane]

Hell yeah! Game changer for team news.

[Trebro]

I bet IPA ends up playing for you because of course.

[Trebro]

Hell yeah! Game changer for team news.

It's really amazing. I name drop players way more often now because I don't have to manually link them.

[CTBrewCrew]

Drink that IPA baby! Dont waste her on the floor like that

[trmmilwwi]

I imagine this TN was completed while eating pancakes at Denny's and the phone is now super syrupy.