River Monsters GM has two behemoths heading his way.
TWC manager Gerald Brandt walks into GM Alan Ehlers office to discuss how to set up the starting rotation for Nashville series. Ehlers is sitting at his office chair reading an unknown book with a flashlight, 40 pack of water and a case of chef boyarde cans on the desk. He is singing an old Peter, Paul and Mary song...
How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
How many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Gerald Brandt: Ok chief. We got our wish. Nashville in the Doubleday. How are we going to slay this behemoth?
Ehlers: Brantdy sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for. Just like that contract extension I gave you. This comes with big expectations. This moment is 10 years in the making. For 10 years this has been Chads solo league and we are all just living in it. During those 10 seasons we have risen from one of the worst teams in the history of the league to being... 2nd best
How many times must the cannonballs fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind
The answer is blowing in the wind
Gerald Brandt: Don't worry boss. I got this. You have trusted me with in game decisions, making lineups and setting up the teams staff. Coming from one of the biggest micromanagers in the league that is huge praise.
Ehlers: I don't know if that is praise for you or acknowledging that I don't have it anymore. I started playing in these leagues in 2007. Some 17 years ago. A lot has changed in that time. I've fallen out of love with writing and I can't seem to get over the hump on the field. Heck Bikini knocked us out of the playoffs last year and their defense could't catch herpes if they slept with your mom®,
How many years must a mountain exist
Before it is washed to the sea?
How many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Brandt: lol. That's good stuff. See, you can still write. You've still got it clap, clap. Clap clap clap.
Ehlers: That's flattering. But I pay you more than any other manager in the league. It's in your contact to feed my ego But I'm serious. I don't know how much longer I have. Shit, there is even a hurricane headed straight for my house as we speak. On top of the other real world issues I have going on right now. I mean, my life is on the same path as a Brooklyn Robin rebuild right now.
How many times can a man turn his head
And pretend that he just doesn't see?
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind
The answer is blowing in the wind
Brandt:Real world? Are you suggesting that this isn't real? I mean it's a pretty cool dream, minus the part where Nashville makes the 31 other teams in the league wear diapers and suck on binkies.... But not real? I hope my contract isn't in monopoly money.
Ehlers: Don't worry. Your salary is in Markus money. It means I'll give you $49.99 per year with the hopes that maybe you'll be just a little bit better than last year, knowing damn well that your beat years are behind you. That brings up a good point though. If we even beat Nashville and end up winning the Brewster. Does it even count? I mean this is version 25. Where down is up and right is left. Will there be a big 'ole asterix next to it?
Twin Cities River Monsters 2060 Brewster Champions*
*Won while using version 25. If played on 24 Nashville would whip their ass
How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
How many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Brandt:Ok. Back to the game plan. We've written enough original content. We all know that nobody reads a team news this far down. Let's just fill out the rest with ai and grab our 2 pp. We can use the rest of our time and spam the forum with silly polls or league features regurgitating stats till they fit our narrative
Ehlers: 2 PP? What the hell is that going to do? Get you $200k? Fun fact... You'd have to write 64 team news to make what Twin Cities made in 10 playoff games this year. Work smarter, not harder. I'm going to write when I want to write. Most of it is going to be throw away because I'm not a professional writer and most times it's a struggle to get 6-8 per season. But every once in a while I may dust off the old noggin, waste an hour or two and write a banger like we have here.
How many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
Brandt:Would you stop singing that hippie music and tell me who you want starting game one...
Ehlers: You want to know whose going to pitch game one? Game 7? Every game?....
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind
The answer is blowing in the wind
Ehlers sits back in his chair continuing to read his book. The title now exposed.
Ai may or may not have been used to create this image
