Edmonton Fulfills Kids Make- A-Wish Wish and Trashes Phoenix. TN 60.01

[Chuck V]

Edmonton, Alberta (via Austin, TX)

Little Timmy Jones is a six year old boy from Edmonton, Alberta who had one wish. The 1st grader is dealing with Stage 4 Brain Cancer that has spread to his bones and doctors have given little Timmy only months to live. When the Make-A-Wish Foundation heard about Timmy's plight via a letter from his single mom, Beverly, they agreed to meet with Timmy and try to make his final wish come true.

At a meeting near Edmonton Central Hospital, Make-A-Wish representatives met with Timmy and his mom to try and fulfill his final wish. The question on everybody's mind was, "What did Timmy want? A trip to Disneyland? To Meet Wayne Gretzky? Spend the day with Stephen Collins III?" It turns out none of those were top of mind for little Timmy.

Little six year old Timmy, who enjoys video games, reading and keeping score at his big brothers little league game had just one wish: "I really f*%#@!g hate the city of Phoenix and especially those c&%^#$@7ers the Phoenix Talons. (Doctors noted that the advanced brain cancer had affected poor little Timmy's language skills). "Phoenix is always late turning in their lineup card and those dead-from-the-d&%k-up idiots always start their games late. I want you to roast them and sh** talk them as much as possible!"

Never one to deny a small innocent child their last wish, the Jackrabbits have volunteered to write an article trashing the Phoenix Talons and their General Manager Sean Marko. So assembled here are the best insults for the city of Phoenix, the state of Arizona, the Talons team, and GM Sean "The Dickless Wonder" Marko.

1. You know you are in Phoenix when the Catholic Diocese is located between a nail salon and a Blimpies.
2. Arizona. Number one in our hearts. Number 50 in everything else.
3. I hate the Talons more than I hate Communists. At least Communists don't have off-season problems.
4. When Niaz Minhaus takes a pitch it's either a wild pitch or paralysis has set in.
5. The Arizona Deserts are full of the bones of people waiting for Sean Marko to turn in his roster.
6. Phoenix players don't have any problem with the 12 inches between their elbow and their palm. It's the 12 inches between their ears that is the problem.
7. "If I'd a hit as many singles as Ian Anderson, I'd have worn a dress." - Larry Stinson
8. If Sean Marko were any dumber they would have to water him twice a week.
9. The Talons are such an average team they could split a three game series,
10. Sean Marko is proof of reincarnation. Nobody could get that dumb in one lifetime.
11. Sean Marko is so dumb that when the ballpark had a blackout he was stranded for 13 hours on an escalator.
12. Angel Zalapa has the same swing as Willie Mays. Just different results.
13. What's the only thing that grows in Phoenix? The crime rate.
14. Two guys from Phoenix are in a car. Who is driving? The cop.
15. Why did Forrest Gump choose Alabama over Arizona State? He wanted an academic challenge.
16. Sean Marko couldn't spell cat if you spotted him the c and the t and told him there was no k.
17. How hot is it in Phoenix? The cows are now giving evaporated milk.
18. What did the average Talons player get on their SAT? Drool.
19. Why do all the Talons baseball spikes have TGIF on them? "Toes Go In First".
20. Why did Phoenix hospitals ban rectal thermometers? Too much brain damage.

We hope that little Timmy enjoyed reading these lame insults of Phoenix, Arizona, Sean Marko and the Talons, Let's ask him what he thought. "Timmy? Timmy?

[jiminyhopkins]

Breaking news: Talons sign Little Timmy to 6 year, $100 million contract!

[Dington]

Love it

[recte44]

Fantastic

[Jwalk100]

Ian Anderson stamp of approval.

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[Chuck V]

Was BBA Ian Anderson named after the singer of Aqualung?

[jiminyhopkins]

Was BBA Ian Anderson named after the singer of Aqualung?

I always thought it was IPA because of the beer.