Off Topic
If you liked what Des Moines [did] last year, you’ll be happy
again this year. This is because GM Jessie Ramirez...is in
fact, returning pretty much the whole roster intact.
—2063 BBA Media Guide
again this year. This is because GM Jessie Ramirez...is in
fact, returning pretty much the whole roster intact.
—2063 BBA Media Guide
Des Moines signed only one ML free agent in the 2062-63 offseason, 28-y.o. MR Pepe Domínguez (1-0 3.03 38.2 IP), who signed for three years at $800K a pop and who has remained on the ML roster all season.
On Opening Day, newly designated 'Le Métronome', Garth Dobbs (15 W, 4.6 WAR, 215 IP in '62) started and, yes, the '63 Opening Day Kernels lineup was a repeat of the young, muscular, speedy unit that hit 270 home runs and scored 809 runs the season before. "No le muevas si jala bien," was Jessie's thinking (If it ain't broke...). And despite eventual tremendous changes in the cast of characters this season, the Kernels could crack 240 homers and score 832 before this year's regular season is finished. This week's drubbings of rival River Monsters 21-4 and 10-0 are signs of that. [The in-game's guess was 623 runs scored and a last place finish!]
DH Carlos Rodríguez (.260-3-8, 31 HR's last season) was the first to lose his starting job. Next was a crowd, city, state, regional, and national favorite, Félix 'Matchbox' Parreno, who, at age 35, had an extended miserable start (.112-3-6 in 107 AB's). It was Cape Fear who approached DM for the services of Parreno, and while her initial response was not positive, on 6/18, on what in Iowa some call the Day of Infamy and others, including the DM braintrust le gran retranchement. In "the second half" of an unplanned two-part trade, Micah Harrington (5-5 4.08) was sent to Cape Fear for 37 y.o. José Barrón (5-3 3.98 with DM) and Astronaut Raúl Castanelda who went 0-4 and after shutting out Long Beach. Parreno has swatted 10 home runs for CPF in 196 at-bats and stands 12 short of 500 (lifetime 49 WAR).
The floodgates had opened and such quintessential Des Moines names were also dealt in quick succession that mid-June day: Dobbs, All-Star Júlio Pérez to Phoenix in a transaction that mystified some yet which brought over former Kernel Javier 'Optimus' Duarte—which the game ranks as the best starter on the DM roster and the only lefty among them until the late August trade deadline—as well as perpetual hitter Rich Dares (.284 for DM) and, admittedly the bane of JR, Bane McCoy, who after 92 abysmal plate appearances was sent to the netherworld. Meanwhile, the once great Pérez had long become a platoon batter.
Then, JR's man-crush Alonso Flinn was sent to Las Vegas for burgeoning CF Chandler Larkman. Des Moines 60-rated starting catcher Masakado Matsunaga was sent to SFB. That deal did produce the Kernel's new closer, Bob Butler (12 saves, 1.75 ERA for DM). SP Don Starr (11-3 2.27 ERA at AAA) also came over from SFB to the Kum & Go and will start for DM down the stretch.
Some speculate it was a lovers' quarrel between Huckleberry [Flinn] and Jessie that sparked the trade action, but JR vociferously denies this. JR, when pressed for what prompted him to make all these deals in mid-June, will only say "karma, hombre, karma, it's a bitch, or is it?" Yet last week he gave an interview to the Don't Bother Me, Alaska number one newspaper The Daily Nope, whose motto is "The Ice-Cold Truth," and JR talked on and on about his three-week surprise trip—he went incognito and without telling either his mom or Yours, or the DM front office—to a mountain-perched Buddhist Monastery whose monks impressed upon him that Life's Number One secret was to "let go of attachments."
Though JR explains things this way, Assistant GM Esteban Costa doesn't buy it. "What prompted JR? What really prompted JR?" Costa said, "I don't buy this Buddhist shit, I mean JR's 'Buddhist explanation'." Yet others among the Poppers Fan Club say the root cause is not Jessie but team groundskeeper Jibwa Smortningaling, who had been promoted to the front office in March and had mistakenly made binding trades three months later when he thought he was on the simulator. Others say it was Acosta who was behind the trades. Of course, there's also team owner Walter Wilhelm to consider.
[END PART ONE]