To ensure a victory over the visiting Valencia Stars, salvaging a split series, the Kernels have taken to a special "Vobblehead" night. The head will be placed atop a plush doll, and a pack of pins will accompany the giveaway. Fans will be encouraged to test the pins' puncturing power throughout the game.
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"The strength of VAL has been their starters," Des Moines AGM Esteban Costa said. "Pardon us for turning to superstition in hopes of splitting the series." Whether superstition or not, demand for the dolls is increasing, as orders are pouring in from Australia, from which the 6'8" Barber hails. A shipment of 1000 dolls was just shipped to Papua New Guinea.
Barber, who throws two pitches, has a 3.65 ERA in two starts and a 9.39 ERA as a reliever. Lifetime, he has a 3.86 ERA.
The DMO, meanwhile, aren't happy about losing two of three from VAL in the series. "We've got to slice the underbelly of these weaker teams, like we did to Bikini, or our playoff chances will soon be buried."
Valencia is 15th or 16th in most batting categories, and the bullpen is 16th in ERA. That's why, shit, we outta be beating them. Surprisingly, though, there are three other Pacific teams below them in the standings: BIK, LB, and PORT. "I don't know what else shows such a shammy division, "Costa said.
He may eat his words if the Stars manage a third win. Kernels starter Alonso 'Sandman' Amaya (6-2) aims to prevent that.
So come out and fill the park, grab your raggedy voodoo doll and start darning. The Kernels lead the world in home runs and it's time to stick Lindsay with a few.