Des Moines announces WILL LEE WEEKEND at Edward Murphy Stadium; tickets will be $11, and WILL LEE is expected to start at right, catch, and start a game (which one is secret).
"Technically they call that an 'opener'," Lee said. The Oklahoma native brings his robust .142 BA into the series, and JR thought, well if you're gonna hit like a pitcher you might as well start like one. At least a Yellow Springs one. (The Nine have a 16th best, i.e., worst, team ERA of 5.40 and are 16th in runs allowed and hits allowed.)
Lee went 0 for 13 in the four-game shellacking of LOU, the only regular to go hitless. "I'm amazed how much focus Lee is putting on his Law Degree," bench coach Kevin Lane said. "He sure as hell ain't focusing on hitting."
Lee has a career .169 batting average. Even so, last season for Des Moines he hit .208 in 240 at-bats. "Thought the guy was a keeper," Lane said of the brainy infielder who is expected to be let go at season's end to study full time. Lee wants a significant raise from his $666,666 salary. Somebody might pick him up. Vancouver might, ya never know. Lee hit .147 in 108 games for the Mounties in '59.
Asked if they'll be bobbleheads, a Will Lee Bobblehead, Des Moines enthusiast and newly-appointed groundskeeper at Edward Murphy Stadium (someone has to water the grass) Jibwa Smortningaling reported that there was a statewide shortage on bobblehead springs and that in lieu of the popular wobbler a new fan collectible of genuine Silver Tooth will be found in every five out of 10,000 packages of Kernels Piping Hot Microwave Popcorn You-Can-Pop-At-The-Game. That's for all those "sweet" on Lee.
"By silver tooth we mean, I mean we ain't mean but we are as welcoming as all get-out and we welcome you to the stadium tonight and tomorrow, Heck fire, the whole extended weekend, as we might as well call it. Gonna be a fun time for all Kernels fans, and huh? Yeah the AI does usually spell Kernels, Colonels, shows that I's smarter than AI, I's? Yeah that's dialectal, means, well I is, but the Smortningaling clan, well we noticed that my old heartthrob Kristen Bell, well she ain't old, well, yes, she and I are still in touch. No, not that kind of touch, look, all I can say is that Krissy, that's what I called Kristen, you know she's from Detroit? You know what country is south of Detroit? Oh, you played Trivial Pur-- Huh? Kristen, all I can say is that she is in a very Good Place. But, that's right, her clan, the Bells, and no the Beezelbells, them's another folk from another, well I was watching my ex on the Tv and good ole Kristen said "I's gonna", and I's gonnas is past tense, what them grammar girls, and I don't mean that Grammar Girl, she don't even right her own stuff, she ain't the wright stuff and, huh? Saber Tooth? Who's talking about Saber Tooth, we's talking bout a gen-u-wine Silver Tooth, straight outta my grandpappy's mouth, yeah, he did have five silver tooths, teeth, well, one each of his five teeth, they're clean and all, are goona be in evry 10,000th tooth, I mean, 10,000th bag a good ole Kernels piping hot popcorn right here on WILL LEE WEEKEND. Yes, it's been my pleasure tooth, er, too."
Be Sweet on Lee and come out to WILL LEE WEEKEND where his battlefield heroics will show no end as he rises to the challenge of starting at catcher, rightfield, and opener.
