KT 63.31—Propelled by six home runs, Kernels send the Eastside Semipros whirling, 10-4, "good buddy"

[JRamirez]

The Kernels, it seems, have to pay their appropriate sum in helping the charity ballclub from over near Knoxville. "This is a high price to pay to play in the Heartland," JRamirez said, "but as long as that semipro team is gifted players from the league office, well...you gotta do what you gotta do, and that's due spelled d-u-e."

THE DMO decided to gift the semi-pro most-favored-team a two-run lead in the first. Starter Cantrell (no relation to Ballplayer Cantrell of the San Francisco Bay Area) had agreed to it, saying "It is the only fair way to help these bozos out. Wait, what? Did I say bozos? Let me clarify that; the Muslin Fraternity." Cantrell, you may recall, is a suspected Mossad agent. So Arnold spotted the semipros two runs. This backfired when the Kernels Wan-ling Koo hit a two-run homer in the top of the 2nd. So in the bottom of that frame, Cantrell spotted the East Tennesseans two more runs. Arnold himself donated three errors to the cause, but in vain, as the potent Des Moines offense was just warming up.

The Kernels walloped three home runs in the fifth: Okubo, playing CF, Matsunaga, who we know is Eastern Tennessee's favorite catcher, they really have a hard one for him; and Davidson, starting at 3B, went long, or "yard," as the terrible adverb usage of 50 years ago goes.

With that lead, Arnold seemed to lose interest in the game, and he came out after retiring one in the fifth's bottom. Ken Haworth, promised more innings this season—although he pitched 76 last season and 99 in 2061—came in and threw 50 pitches, with one hit over 3.2 innings (yes, he got the win). "See, I gifted ole Hawk, or is it Howl?, the win," Arnold said.

Eveready Everard pitched the last inning. By then Matsunaga and Davidson both smashed their second round trippers (or were they day trippers?) of the contest. Only it wasn't a contest, though we give the opponents the obligatory "thanks for playing," or at least showing up.

[RonCo]

Ya gotta love the Eastside semipros.