63.39 Who's on First?

[Bob Breum]

Montreal bench coach Clancy Williams sat down next to manager Paul 'Scholsy' Scholes. He leaned over and said, "Scholsy, you know Elmer and I have been here since the beginning, since the Breums arrived. You know how Mr. Breum loves his first basemen. One thing you could always count on was no shortage of guys who could play first base. That first season, we had that big Dutchman, Aarnoud Budding. The next season they moved Aldo over to first; it was weird -- he could still run like the wind but his infield range had dried up. He lasted two seasons but eventually Tangles took over at the tender young age of 20 and we've never had to think about the position since ... until now."

Scholsy looked alarmed. "What do you mean? Do you know something I don't? Is Dan okay?"

"He's fine. But it would be nice to give him a day off every once in a while."

Scholsy gave him a blank look but then it registered. "Terovolas is out for another two weeks. He's our first baseman when we rest Dan, isn't he?"

"Yep."

"You're kidding. We're carrying 15 hitters and Dan is the only guy who can play first?"

"I know it seems crazy, especially with Mr. Breum's penchant for collecting first basemen. I picked up a first base mitt and walked around the clubhouse. Half the guys thought it was a catcher's mitt. The only guy who would admit to ever wearing one was the bonus baby outfielder."

"Which one? It must be Pedro Hernandez. He plays a passable third base."

"Surprisingly, no. It's Petru Marinus. Unlike Hernandez, Marinus is a southpaw, so I guess at some point they tried him at first."

"None of our infielders has ever played first base in professional baseball, besides Tangles?"

"Nary a one of them. I guess it made no sense to train them at first when they were clearly more valuable elsewhere."

"What about our other outfielders? For fuck's sake, we have more outfielders than any team ever. One of them must've played first?"

"Just Marinus. Koray Kapkin is the obvious guy since he plays shortstop, but not even he has played first. Besides the two kids, the rest of them appear to be terrified of playing infield. Bullock said he's never owned a cup and has no plans to start wearing one now."

"That tracks. What do you suggest?"

"We'll give Dan a day off against a right-handed pitcher and use Kapkin at first. We lose less offense with Kapkin than our other options. At 6'5", he's a big target. Anyone who can play big league shortstop should be able to play first base without embarrassing himself. He'll realize that it's another chance for him to get a start. I don't think he'll object. I'll have Ratchet get him some reps at first before games. He'll be fine."

"Well, this is one problem that I never saw coming, especially with the Breums running things. Thanks for bringing it to my attention."

"Sure, skip."