Sticking Points 2061.1: Pikemen Introduce GM Gopher, I Mean, Assistant GM Matt Edwards

[JimSlade]

Hope springs, well, not quite eternal, but that trickle running down the sidewalk could be a modest degree of hope and not a water main break, right? Spring training is about to kick off following a particularly slow offseason for the Rockville Pikemen, who threaten to run it doggy paddle it back with essentially the same roster that ended last season's 76-86 campaign. Yesterday, GM Jim Slade introduced the media to his new Assistant GM, Matt Edwards.

Edwards has no professional baseball front office experience, but his son's U12 soccer team that he coached in 2053 won a regional tournament. He's also organized, managing a team of 5 front-end developers for a communications agency. "It's not only his track manager as a middle manager that impressed us. Matt never missed a beat," according to Slade, "in 20 years of organizing a charity golf tournament."

Edwards nodded along calmly during Slade's introductory remarks. He thanked the media and said he was excited to contribute to the Pikemen's first winning season in way too long. Then, he let his boss do most of the talking.

So what does Edwards bring to the Pikemen equation? Is it his scouting acumen? "He is adept," Slade explained, "at downloading and organizing the league's centralized scouting reports. Our front offices across the league get the exact same scouting reports on players, but we feel Matt's skills with Excel pivot tables will set us apart in our evaluation of young talent."

Is it his negotiating skills? According to Slade, "Matt was known to drive a hard bargain with his own staff, but he wasn't too demanding for himself. We found that to be the case with the contract he signed with us. To be honest, we were taken aback when he said, during a touch-and-go moment in hammering out his deal, 'It's more important that we retain optionality in our software choices.' We're excited by his preference for open-source computing."

Can Pikemen fans expect him to balance out any of Slade's tendencies? "That's a good question," said Edwards, speaking up in depth for the first time. "I've noticed that Jim is too sentimental in cultivating his 'cult heroes,' as I'll call them, his 'teacher's pets.' We spoke about that for days during my interview process. It's my job to make sure he takes a more cutthroat, agile approach to building a winning team."

Slade confirmed this assessment and pointed to the influence Edwards had in his first weeks on the job. "Yeah, Matt gives it to me straight. He pushed hard for me to make some decisions that don't come easily for me: declining the option on John McMuttray; nontendering Ruben Alvarado and Yoshimatsu Miyauchi..." Slade's voice cracked at the mention of the team's longtime long reliever, who signed with the London Monarchs of the GBC. "Yoshi was a damn icon in this town, but Matt wouldn't let up. He said, 'It's time we stop being a feeder system for the GBC!' I can't tell you how deep that cut, but it was true, man."

After striking out on their top free-agent targets, the Pikemen did reel in an international free agent they feel can make a difference, RF Alejandro Giovanelli. The 17-year-old Venezuelan was well-respected by his amateur-ball teammates and coaches and could be ready for rookie ball this season.

"We've got a solid farm system," said Edwards, "and we invest a lot in player development. That was one of the things that most appealed to me, as I considered competing offers from the Pikemen and another communications agency. I'm going to be that bug in Jim's ear, telling him to cut bait, to go all in, to change course. Whatever it takes. We can't be precious. And damn, could we use a shortstop!"

[RonCo]

That was a fun read. Now I've got to add excel skills to the job description. Who knew?

[Trebro]

That was a fun read. Now I've got to add excel skills to the job description. Who knew?

I second that, this was a fun post!