63.1- Who's On First- I Mean, Really, WHO????

[chicoruiz]

There are, I suppose, two ways to attack a lineup opening on one’s team. You can throw money at it, which I’ve done in the past with mixed success, or you can go for quantity instead of quality, hoping someone will step up and earn the job. I suppose there’s a third way, which is just to ignore it, but what fun would that be​?

I was planning to throw money at the opening I have at first base in 2063, but once I saw the available talent and the money they were asking for, I decided to go with option two. So right now I have at least four guys who will come into spring training with a chance to win the job. Let’s meet them:

1. Masahiko Harada- Pluses: Just turned 26, but already has 2400 plate appearances in the BBA with an .844 career OPS. Has probably the most power of any of the candidates. Minuses: Can’t field hardly at all. Power greatly diminished against lefties. Fun Fact: Has “Superstar” written all over him. His teammates did it with an indelible marker while he was asleep on the bus.

2. Bane McCoy- Pluses: Has an amazing eye; led the league in walks in 2061. Switch-hitter with good work ethic. Minuses: Listed as “wrecked” although he only missed about four weeks last year. Not much pop. Fun Fact: His parents named him “Bane” in hopes that he would grow up to be a Batman villain.

3. Javier Martinez- Pluses: Has hit for average everywhere he’s been… Probably the best defender of the major candidates… Minuses: Minimal power and eye, so his production is almost all BA-driven. Has some work ethic and IQ issues. Fun Fact: His high school class voted him “Most Likely To Be Found Dead In A Motel Room”.

4. Jorge Rodriguez- Pluses: Hit .326 in AAA last year and .306 in a brief trial with Atlantic City. Sprays the ball to all fields. Minuses: Absolutely refuses to take a walk. Doesn’t really do anything that Martinez doesn’t do slightly better. Fun Fact: In his spare time, he enjoys putting together pornographic jigsaw puzzles.

There are other candidates in house, but most of them are outfielders who can fill in a bit at first. Spring training will tell me a lot. If I had to guess, I’d say Harada will end up starting against righties, with McCoy spelling him against southpaws and somebody acting as a late-inning defensive replacement for Harada. But all that could change; I could wake up tomorrow and decide to bid on a big-money free agent…. Nah, probably not.

[JRamirez]

Good luck to Bane.

[BaseClogger]

There are first baseman oozing out of every oriface right now!

[Graham]

Love this, funny and nice format for position battles.

Quick question: what makes a jigsaw pornographic? Is it the end result image, the shape of the pieces, or the shape of the finished puzzle? Or all three?

Thanks, I’ll take your answer off the air.


The mere fact that. You have interest in this speaks volumes… I’m sure that you can find all three versions on the internet. But not at work, please….

[shoeless.db]

There are first baseman oozing out of every oriface right now!

Did you just call the Robins organization an orifice?

[BaseClogger]

Did you just call the Robins organization an orifice?

Hate to break it to ya but you went from a holy organization to a hole organization.