57.11- A Surprise Exit

[chicoruiz]

I was in my office, quietly poring over draft reports and getting more confused by the moment, when my assistant GM, Francisco Serrano, knocked softly and entered the room.

“Oh hi Frank… what can I do for you?”

“Well Chico, there’s no easy way to say it… I’m leaving my position here. I’ve enjoyed working with you, and I think we’ve begun to turn things around lately, but today is my last day.”

“Man… I’m really sorry to hear that. Can I ask what brought this on?”

“Ummm… It’s Topsy. She’s decided to go on the road, and I can’t be away from her that long. I’m going with her as her manager and bodyguard.”

Ahh, I thought… now I see. His wife Erma Pfaff had been an exotic dancer for years at one of the more downscale joints in Atlantic City. She went by the name “Topsy LaChance”, a name chosen due to her undeniable physical attributes. Frank had met her there a few years ago and it had been love at first sight. He’d brought her to the Christmas party last year, and to the rest of us she resembled Ernest Borgnine with a wig and two water balloons tied to his chest, but I guess love is blind.

“Well, Frank, I wish you the best. The team probably would have been better off if I’d turned down a couple of those trades you told me to turn down…. You did some good work here, and I’m sure you’ll be successful in this new venture.” Maybe if you book her into clubs with really dim lighting, I thought.

“Thanks Chico… And could you do one more favor for me?”

“Sure… What do you need?”

“Fire me.”

“Beg your pardon?”

“Fire me. That way I can collect unemployment and Topsy and I will have a little nest egg while we get established.”

“Geez, Frank, I can’t just do that. The way the rules work, I can’t fire anyone without cause. There has to be a specific reason, and you’ve always been a model employee.”

“Okay… You need a reason? Just hang on a few minutes.” He turned and stalked out of the office.

Ten minutes later, our Human Resources person burst into my office. “You have to fire Francisco Serrano RIGHT NOW” she said.

“Well… sure. What did he do?”

“He went into the employees lounge, took his pants off, and sat there eating his lunch completely naked from the waist down”

“Wow… Okay, I’ll get security to escort him out. Is he still in there?”

“No, he finally left. He said the wicker seats on the chairs in there were killing him.”

So now, in addition to dealing with an underperforming team and an ammy draft, I have to hire a new assistant GM. And I’m still not even sure what an assistant GM does…

[Dington]

An assitant GM eats lunch without pants. Right, @7teen?

[recte44]

Ernest Borgnine. Classic

[7teen]

An assitant GM eats lunch without pants. Right, @7teen?

Eating with no pants is entirely encouraged in Portland! It's not a fireable offense. Typically gets you a raise here.

And I really only think the option for the next AGM in Atlantic City is THIS GUY

[Dington]

An assitant GM eats lunch without pants. Right, @7teen?

Eating with no pants is entirely encouraged in Portland! It's not a fireable offense. Typically gets you a raise here.

And I really only think the option for the next AGM in Atlantic City is THIS GUY

I’m sure it gets a raise out of all the men in the Portland office.

[RonCo]

This one, btw, should be a Caleca nominee.

[Dington]

This one, btw, should be a Caleca nominee.

Indeed. Added to the list of nominees.