63.4 Chico Meets The Press

[chicoruiz]

TRANSCRIPT OF CHICO RUIZ'S POST-DRAFT PRESS CONFERENCE

CHICO: Nice to see all of you here. We're very happy with the players we selected in this draft and we look forward to talking with you about the draft or anything else you have questions about. Let's get it started... Phil, you have the first question?

PHIL FEGLEY, ATLANTIC CITY RECORD: Yes, Chico... Last year you spent you second and third round picks on first basemen. Then this year you spent your top two picks on first basemen. What's with all the first basemen?

CHICO: Well, Phil, as you would know if you did your due diligence, both the players you refer to were moved to other positions as soon as they were drafted. One of them is currently playing very well at third base in full-season A. and the other was the key piece we traded to acquire our current cleanup hitter, Masahiko Harada. We plan a similar course for our top to picks this year. First-rounder Claudio Mendoza wil be moved to a corner outfield spot; we think his contact skills and exceptional eye will make him a player who can hit leadoff for us in the future... Our second-rounder, Bob Kratzer, will start his career at second base; he has some work to do there, but that's what our development lab is for.

PHIL: What was that "if you did your due diligence" crack supposed to be? Hey, I have to cover the Gamblers plus Rutgers and all area high school sports all by myself mister... back off!

CHICO: Sorry, sorry... Jed?

JED CANNON, ACTION 11 NEWS: What about the pitcher you took in round three, Chico?

CHICO: That would be Jorge Estrada... He's a projection, but he has a great fastball and two other pitches that may develop, and he's got the stamina to throw hard late into games. He's not without his warts, but that's why he lasted till the third round.

PHIL: You're doing it again, aren't you? That 'not without his warts" line is a dig at my skin condition, isn't it? Look, I can't help that I have warts. Otherwise I'd be one of those pretty boy TV meat puppets like Jed here!

JED: You're cruising for a bruising, print boy! Don't let my perfectly coiffed hair fool you; I could wipe the floor with the likes of you!

CHICO: Guys, guys, let's cool it... Jed, you had another question?

JED: Yes... Chico, rumor has it that former number one overall pick Johnny Lazer might be on the trading block... Any truth to that?

CHICO: Well, let's just say that while we're very happy with the big step forward Johnny has taken at the plate this year, we're always open to any deal that might help the club, especially since he seems blocked at shortstop. That said, we certainly would be happy to keep him. Anything else?

PHIL: Yeah, one more thing... I'd like you to sing for me.

CHICO: Sing???

PHIL: Yeah... You sang for Jed last fall, but you never sang for me.

CHICO: But it was his birthday...

PHIL: Well, my birthday is in late October, and we're never in the postseason so there are never any press conferences. I want you all to sing for me. It doesn't have to be "Happy Birthday"... It could be "He's So Fine" or that one that goes "What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man..."

CHICO: If we do this, will you go home happy and stop being a disruptive influence at my press events?

PHIL: Absolutely...

CHICO: Okay, come on everyone...Clears throat... "For he's a jolly good fellow. For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellooooooow... which nobody can deny"....

PHIL: Chico... Jed was just moving his lips; no sound was coming out...

CHICO: All right, that's it... press conference is over!

[shoeless.db]

I like to think you were giggling to yourself as you wrote the last bit.

[RonCo]

Caleca nom.