Hawaii’s longtime GM Jim Walker left the Tropics offices at ‘Iolani Palace and mounted his old Indian Scout for a ride to his yearly checkup. The Trops had made the playoffs after an interminable amount of time and made it to the Doubleday before the Nashville Bluebirds sent them home. Walker had made his post season decisions and turned the page on the books to begin 2063.
The first order of business in 2063 was see the doc and get a clean bill of health. At 96, he had been in charge of the Tropics for 22 seasons and needed to stave off the effects of constant stress that goes with a BBA job.
He pulled into a medical plaza in Honolulu with a sign that read, ‘Dr. Fritzenham Kocherscmeltz II and Associates’, and parked his Indian in the back. He entered the office through the back and was escorted by an assistant to one of the exam rooms. The young Dr. Kocherscmeltz entered after a short wait and said, “Good afternoon. Let’s get right to business. I’ve heard that you need our services.”
Walker nodded then answered, “Yep.”
“What we do is counter the effects of ageing with a formula that was first developed by my father and that I’ve perfected. You must follow instructions to the letter, or you’ll experience some extreme side effects.”, warned Kocherscmeltz.
“Those are?”, Walker asked warily.
“Cold sweats, diarrhea, vomiting, accelerated ageing, gas, weight gain or loss, penis shrinkage and death.”, Kocherscmeltz rattled off.
Walker quipped, “Isn’t shrinkage the same as death?”
The doc looked over his glasses and frowned.
Walker smirked then asked, “What can be my best outcome?”
“You will take 50 years off your body. In about two months.”, responded Kocherscmeltz.
Walker chewed on his lip for a minute before making his decision. Then, “Let’s do it.”
The doctor said, “I’ll send a package to your offices after payment is received.”
Walker opened his cube, selected the banking app and submitted a transfer then a mute bell rang on the doctor’s cube. The doctor stood up and left without a word. The assistant returned immediately and led Walker out of the building.
He was excited as he put on his helmet and started the engine. “Hell yeah!”, he thought and sped off. He sped through the parking lot and almost dumped the bike while getting into a death wobble. He saved it and continued back to the offices.
He took the long way back then parked in his GM spot and trotted into the building. He walked into his offices and called for his AI assistant ‘Cassie’. He had to call for her twice because ever since he brought in Bobby Cox’s Brain she had been enthralled.
“Yes?”, she purred.
“Cassie, can you be more professional please?”, asked Walker.
Cassie answered, “I would but Bobby gives great mind!”
Walker thought about it for a minute then shook his head because he had let himself get distracted by the picture.
Cassie giggled then said, “Yes. You received a package.”
“Thanks.”, he said but she had already left.
He called security and asked them to bring him all the mail. There were a handful of hate letters and a box. Walker tossed the hate mail into File 13 and tore open the box. Inside was way too many styrofoam worms before he found his prize. A small, white, bottle with no label and a sheet of paper with instructions.
It read, Take one pill with bourbon. Not water, bourbon.
That was it? Hell yeah, I can follow that he thought to himself.
He ran over to the bar in the back of his office and filled a glass about five fingers high with some Travelers. He took out a pill and sucked in a breath. Damn horse pill. Fuck it. Down the hatch and drank half the glass.
Now we wait.
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