Aloha Ka Punahou 2005.01
TROPICS ADRIFT
GM Clueless, Ownership change a-coming?
Alan Hoot once said he took a personality test and flunked it. That's a funny
joke (maybe), but it's not funny when the GM of a Major League franchise
is clueless what direction to take a team.
"So far he's taken us down," said team spokesperson Stitch Lilo.
Hoot begs to differ, pointing to Hawaii's increased rating of its minor league
system and the highest season attendance (in 2004) since 1998, when the team
last finished over .500.
"Plus, I tell y'all what," rattled Hoot, "We made a profit of $16.9 million, the most
in seven years."
But Lilo has attributed this partially to the disappearance of Winona Ryder from
the team's treasurer position. "Well, what position's she in now?," asked Hoot,
who has clearly been watching too much of the new UK comedy Peep Show.
Ch- Ch- Ch- Ch- Changes
"I tell y'all what: we got so many people at Arby's and KFC, I dunno what to do with
'em all," Hoot said, referring to the Arbitration hearings and the Free Agency List.
"It's gonna come down to the wire, who we elect to stay here."
Lilo denied rumors that former California Crusaders Oscar Funke and Sam Jones were
heard singing a duo of "Should I stay or should I go?"
"I think that's more because they got an advance copy of Rolling Stone's list of
500 greatest songs," said Lilo.
DON HO TO SELL THE TEAM?
74-year-old celebrity team crooner-owner has indicated that the team might be for sale.
Ho cited health reasons and inattention to his Hoes as factors.
Details TBA.
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