Overall: 12-20, Dead Last in the Heartland, and Digging
If this sim were a movie, it’d be a disaster flick — too long, no plot, and starring the entire Wolves bullpen. Madison managed just one win (against Brook Park, bless them) before getting body-slammed by Nashville like a folding chair at a backyard wrestling show.
Let’s break it down before I lose my last functioning nerve.
🍽 OFFENSE: Tasty. Slightly Undercooked.
* 2nd in batting average (.273)
* 5th in hits
* 16th in walks
* 14th in home runs
So, yeah, we’re hitting. Just not hitting hard.
Boyd “Better than the Box Score” Fitzgerald mashed to a .429 AVG with a 1.121 OPS.
Gary “Silent But Deadly” Keller stole 4 bags and posted a 1.025 OPS.
Even Mike Winchester woke up and hit .375.
But with just 27 homers on the year, we’re swinging with pool noodles.
PITCHING: Call 911.* 5.64 ERA (15th in FL)
* 5.95 bullpen ERA (16th)
* 190 runs allowed (worst in the league)
* Opponents hitting .284 off us
* Only 191 Ks in 32 games
This staff is allergic to the strike zone and even more allergic to clean innings.
Chris Stout got our lone win with 6 solid innings.
Frank Ostrom battled, but the rest? I’ve seen better pitching at a county dunk tank.
Heath Brown (yes, the Rule 5 kid from Bikini) is the only reliever not giving me hives.
MILB REPORT: SUNSHINE, FINALLY.If the big league club is a storm, the farm is full of rays of hope.
Geoff Grant (AAA): .539 AVG, 14 RBIs, 1.555 OPS — call him up, Simon, or I will.
Leo Hollenbeck: Mashing.
Vicente Najera and Rafael Garza: Both hitting over .400.
Down in A-ball, we’ve got Bradley McCready, Miguel Castillo, and Jose Monsivals all throwing scoreless starts like it’s a TikTok challenge.
Meanwhile, Ramon Ortiz and Ismael Trejo are doing everything they can to pitch their way out of AAA before the rest of our bullpen implodes.
FINAL THOUGHT: MAYDAY, MAYDAY.This sim? A tire fire.
We’ve got a decent offense, a brutal bullpen, and a fanbase so loyal they still show up — even after watching us give up 15 runs to Brook Park.
If I were really in charge (I am), I’d:
* Promote Geoff Grant yesterday
* Host open tryouts in the Shotz Stadium parking lot
* Superglue a radar gun to every reliever
* Sacrifice a possum under a full moon (again)
We’ve got Wolves heart. But we also need Wolves arms. Real soon.
Next up? Nashville. Again. Time to sharpen our teeth.
Stay feral. Stay faithful. Gertie out.
