2063.10 - Gertie's take on SIM #2

[CTBrewCrew]

GERTIE’S GAZETTE — SIM 2, 2063
“We Had a Good Run… for About Three Days”

Well. We started the sim 3-1 and ended it 0-4. A lovely reminder that gravity always works and that bullpen meltdowns are forever.

Let’s recap, shall we?


THIS WEEK IN TRAUMA: THE SCHEDULE

Code: Select all

Date      Opponent   Result   Record   WP                LP             Save        Attendance
Apr 9     @BPK       L 2–12   4–3      Méndez            Murray         —           34,829
Apr 10    @BPK       W 5–4*   5–3      Turner            O’Halloran     —           34,760
Apr 11    @BPK       W 5–4    6–3      Turner            Rogers         Thomas      34,917
Apr 12    @NSH       W 3–0    7–3      Ostrom            Basanta        Thomas      44,590
Apr 13    @NSH       L 4–9    7–4      Yen               Murray         —           53,237
Apr 14    @NSH       L 3–9    7–5      Stevens           Stout          —           52,767
Apr 15    @LOU       L 3–7    7–6      Rodríguez         Moore          —           36,184

Moral of the story: If you’re named “Tyler Murray,” maybe sit a few out.

THE BATS THAT WORKED

• Gary Fellers (.333 / .949 OPS) — Remember when he was an afterthought? You don't anymore.
• Curt Holter (.286) — Quietly driving in 4 like a reliable barista: not flashy, but you always want him working your shift.
• Boyd Fitzgerald (.320) — Makes contact like a teenager texting their ex.
• Negera Zeroual (.600 / 1.600 OPS) — Five plate appearances. Three hits. One blistering reminder that I keep forgetting to call him up.
• Honorable mention: Esteban Paz hit a solo homer in 5 PAs. He’s basically Barry Bonds in microdoses.

THE COLD CASE FILES

• Gary Keller (.200) — He stole three bases but forgot to bring his bat.
• Mike Winchester (.200) — Looks like a power guy, hits like a tuba player.
• Alfred Primm (.222 / .498 OPS) — On a mission to redefine “replacement level.”

PITCHERS WHO DESERVE COOKIES

• Frank Ostrom — 6.1 IP, 0 ER. Shoved. Absolutely dominant. Probably did it with a hangover.
• Wesley Turner — 4 IP, 0 ER, 5 K. Two wins, no runs, all vibes. Built different.
• Pedro Juárez — 3.1 IP, 0 H. Threw a no-hitter… across three innings. We’ll take it.

MINORS WATCH: BABIES BREWING

• Paul Kinney (AAA, .385 / .984 OPS) — He’s knocking on the door and bringing a crowbar.
• Pete Moore (AA, .364 / 1.073 OPS) — Stacking dingers and filing grievances for being stuck in AA.
• José Romero (A, .381 / 1.157 OPS) — Just 18 and already more mature than half the big-league bullpen.
• José Monsivals (A) — 6.1 IP, 0 ER, 7 K. The moment you blink, he’ll be in Madison.

STANDINGS: MIDPACK MISERY

Heartland Division:
We’re 7–6, buried in a five-way tie for second. Technically above Des Moines and Brook Park, which is like saying you’re smarter than a soap dish.

• Run Differential: -15
• Streak: L3
• Next Up: @ Louisville
• Strength of Schedule: .497 (Mid. Like our bullpen. Like my ex.)

GERTIE’S FINAL NOTES

• We won the sim until we didn’t.
• Turner and Thomas are the only relievers I trust right now. Everyone else is playing roulette with a gas can.
• Offense? Better than expected. Keller and Primm need to be watched closely—or traded for popcorn.
• If this team was a soup, it’d be lukewarm and slightly underseasoned. But hey, we’re still afloat.

See you next sim. Bring a mop.

— Gertie

[Dington]

Had to throw you one win so you don't get another slam dunk 1/1 draft pick next year.

[CTBrewCrew]

damn u