(The camera shows the office of GM Vic Caleca, a modest affair with a small wooden desk, two visitor chairs and a row of file cabinets. On the wall behind Caleca’s desk hang a series of photos showing Black Sox Park in various stages of construction. There’s a knock at the door, and a young woman with short brown hair pokes her head in. This is Heidi Hickman, head of promotions for the Sox.)
Vic Caleca: Heidi! Come in, come in.
Heidi Hickman: Hi, Vic. You wanted to see me?
Caleca: Yeah, come in and take a seat. How’re things going?
Heidi (pleasant, but not warm): Fine, thank you.
Caleca: Just wanted to touch base with you before the long homestand here and make sure we’ve got our ducks in a row for our Juan Nicto bobblehead night.
Helga . oops . Heidi
Caleca: Great, great. How many did we get again?
Heidi: We got 25,000. I sent you a memo a couple of weeks ago.
Caleca: Ah, so you did. So you did.
Heidi: That’s not why you wanted to see me, though, is it?
Caleca (feigning surprise): Why do you say that?
Heidi (laughs a short, humorless laugh): Everyone knows what you and Bill are doing. You’re trying to find out who leaked The Blueprint™ memo.
Caleca: Well, I don’t know who told you that , but …
Heidi: I did it.
Caleca: … that’s not … wait. What?
Heidi: I leaked it. I sent the memo to Mandy Anderson and told her she should do something with it because it would embarrass that jackass of an owner of ours.
Caleca (flummoxed): Well, Heidi, I …
Heidi: I know this caused you a lot of trouble, and for that I’m sorry, but it really upset Vinnie, and that’s just great.
Caleca: But … but … Heidi, why are you trying to upset Vinnie?
Black Sox owner Vinnie "The Eccentric" Vitale
Caleca: Heidi, Heidi. He doesn’t mean anything by it … Vinnie gets everyone’s name screwed up.
Heidi: He doesn’t screw your name up. And the other names he comes up with are kinda cute or funny. But me? I’m Helga Hellscape.
Caleca: Vinnie’s just bad with names …
Heidi (heated): Yeah, but even after you correct him, he still calls me Helga Hellscape. The man’s a billionaire, he owns I don’t know how many companies in all, and a major league baseball franchise, so don’t tell me he’s not smart enough to remember my name.
Caleca: It’s not a question of smart …
Heidi: No, you’re right. It’s just that he’s an ass …
Caleca (sighs): He’s eccentric, is all.
Heidi (glares at her shoes): Uh huh.
Caleca: Well, Heidi, I hate to do this, but I’m going to have to ask you for your ID badge …
Heidi: Oh, I know. My stuff’s all packed up. And here ... (hands Caleca an envelope) … that’s my letter of resignation.
Caleca (Accepts the letter, and stands up while pressing the intercom button on his desk): Hey, Bill?
(Asst. GM Bill McGuffin answers the intercom page)
Bill McGuffin: Yeah, Vic?
GM Vic Caleca
Bill: Wow! Really? Ol’ Helga really stuck it to Vinnie, eh?
Caleca: Bill … that’s not helpful.
Heidi (fuming): Jesus. I am going to be so glad to see this place in my rearview mirror.
Caleca: Sorry about that …
Heidi: Oh, I know. I hear all the jokes at my expense. Well, screw it. I hope Chris Wilson out in Portland makes Vinnie’s life a living hell. In fact, maybe I’ll see if Chris needs an experienced promotions person …
Caleca: Well, you won’t be getting a recommendation from us, Heidi. And your personnel file will show you were fired, not that you resigned.
(Bill McGuffin and a uniformed security officer enter to escort Heidi out of the stadium).
Heidi: Whatever, Vic. Just so long as I don’t have to work for that moron anymore. (She turns to exit with McGuffin and the security guy.)
Caleca: Well, I’m sorry it had to end this way …
Heidi: You know what? I’m not. Screw all of you.
Caleca (Frowns, and then shrugs): Uh huh. Well, OK. See ya, Helga …
Heidi: Damn it …
[Recording ends]
On a wholly unrelated note, this is the 100th edition of Sox Scoops for the season, and we need to celebrate the occasion appropriately:
