January 1, 2063
by Banjo Jackson
Nashville, TN
When the trade block alerts go off, Bluebirds GM Chad Nason is among the first to answer the call. When Boise GM Ben Teague inquired about a left-handed pitcher, Nason picked up the phone. Here’s a dramatic reenactment of the trade.
Chad Nason: Kid, come in here!
Pat Ciffic: Yes, boss?
CN: Boise needs a LHP. Surely we have someone we can spare for some useful parts down the road, right?
PC: Sure, but maybe we shouldn’t engage with Mr. Teague right now.
CN: And why’s that?
PC: Well, I think he’s working from his hospital bed. He just had his head cut open.
CN: Interesting. We need to strike quickly then.
PC: Sir?
CN: Before the pain meds wear off, of course! Le’t take advantage of this loopy fuck!
PC: I don’t think the other GMs are gonna like, sir. Especially with the #donttradewithnashville movement.
CN: Exactly why we must make this happen. Now, does that bum have anyone in the farm worth a damn?
PC: He had Coleman on the block. Good looking 1B, but we have Kuo and Sanchez under team control and just picked up another guy in Rule 5.
CN: This doesn’t have to be a blockbuster. It’s just a message to all the other GMs. Get some kid with a glimmer of hope in their low minors. Once he’s a Bluebird everyone will want him and think he’s a something special. Hell, maybe we can flip him.
PC: Not much out there, sir, but I guess if you wanna move quick, this Mahzun Kasaba kid is decent. Spent about as much time on the IL as the mound, but has a good work ethic, they say.
CN: I don’t care. Make it happen. Who we offering?
PC: Emilio Diaz? Juan Ramirez?
CN: No, no. They have minor value. I don’t wanna give up a piece of our future treasure. Make it hurt.
PC: What about Dan Boman? Pitched well last season after we traded them Cole, but no real future with us. Even frees up a 40 man spot.
CN: Heh, that works.
*rings Boise*
Nurse: Hello, this is room 409.
CN: Put Teague on.
N: I’m sorry sir, the patient is resting.
CN: I don’t care, wake him up. It’s urgent. He’ll understand.
N: Sir, he is heavily medicated
CN: Put him on or you’ll be out of a job.
Ben Teague: huh?
CN: Ben, how ya doing ya bastard! Still caking it trying to get a piece of nurse ass you sly dog?! Hahahaha
BT: What is it dude, I’m trying to rest.
CN: Whoa man, you wanted a pitcher. I’m just trying to help YOU. I promise! How about Boman?
BT: Let me get some sleep and I’ll get back to y-
CN: You can sleep when you die, man! Check this dude out. He’s a southpaw we brought up last year after we gifted you Cole. Had a 3.54 ERA in his place! But you can have him.
BT: I said I’ll get back to y-
CN: And he makes league min!
BT: Dude, go away!
CN: Ha, funny, Ben! So you want him?
BT: Will you go away and let me sleep?
CN: Sure, how about, let’s say, Kasaba in short A. He’s like your 15th ranked prospect lol. We are like Robin Hood taking from the rich giving to the poor, but we gotta get someone in return.
BT: That works…if you go away.
CN: Deal! Say, I’m a bit busy, can you post it? Thanks pal!
*click*
BT: mother%^&#*&
@cheekimonk
