Pharaoh Moans (2047-01): A Winter Hangover

[woods]

TEL AVIV - It was the first day of the Winter Meetings, and Cairo Pharaohs GM Woody Donahue was fielding questions from the press to kick off the weekend.

“How were your holidays?” one reporter asked, in an attempt to lighten to mood.

“Not bad,” Donahue responded. “I went back home to Germany, spent some time with the family. Got tanked on Glühwein at a Christmas Market one night and called Tripoli. Apparently we made a trade, but I didn’t remember it until my assistant called the next day to ask me why I traded our best catcher away.”

Donahue shrugged. He didn’t seem to be bothered. He had endured a lot of criticism in the past year, and by now he was done caring what people thought. Everybody will have their things they would’ve done differently, but he had resolved that he was going to make the moves he wanted, and the pundits could deal with it.

“You’ve been quieter than usual on the free agent market so far,” another reporter asked. “What’s your plan to build the team up, so they can actually compete this year?”

There was something patronizing about the guy’s tone. Donahue didn’t like it. He squinted to try to catch the reporter’s name tag. Mihail something. Ah, he was from Bucharest. Figures.

“We’re just trying to gauge the market right now,” Donahue replied. “There’s a lot less money to go around this year, thanks to that new rule. We don’t want to be the ones to make a bad move so early in the off-season.”

He was referring to rule 22.4.49, which was put in place for the 2047 season. The rule states that all teams must employ first and third base coaches, and pay them living wages. This caused quite a stir in the league, where most teams had historically preferred to use a rotation of bat boys, off-duty concession workers and players’ girlfriends in those roles.

As a result, teams had been a lot more frugal with spending this winter. Cairo had money to spend, especially with António Baca opting out of his contract, but they were waiting for the right time to spend it. The players’ demands would go down, Donahue figured, once they saw that no teams were biting. Maybe he could score a few big-name players at the tail end, right on the brink of Spring Training.

He didn’t tell them any of this, though. He especially didn’t want that tool from Bucharest knowing his plans. He fell back on his favorite catch phrase, “We’ll see how it pans out.”

A female reporter raised her hand. “With Baca gone, the Pharaohs are missing a big middle-of-the-order bat,” she asked. “Who do you see stepping up to fill that role?”

“Yeah, we’ll miss Tony,” Donahue answered, a bit sentimental. “That’s the consequence of him having such a good year. He opted out, and now he’s off looking for BBA money. Last I checked, he was asking for $9 million. Someone will give it to him, too.”

“We still foresee a big bat coming in from outside the organization,” Donahue continued. “I’ve been checking in on a few free agents, particularly corner outfielders. I think with Freddy being able to cover practically the entire outfield by himself, we can sacrifice some defense in a corner spot in favor of a bat.”

“Is your new Assistant GM here?” a reporter from Mumbai asked.

“Haki?” Donahue said. “Last I heard, his flight was delayed. That reminds me, I need to get a few trades in before he shows up. I won’t be able to do anything with him here. He’s always like ‘This isn't fair at all, we’re not getting much in return!’ or ’I would ask for slightly more, maybe a prospect’. The guy needs to live a little.”

That seemed to appease the room, so Donahue saw an opportunity to make his exit.

Outside, he checked his phone, and a text message caught his attention. It was from the agent of one of the players he was courting. If he played his cards right, Cairo might be able to join the free agent party today…

[Fat Nige]

It’s an exciting year for you and me. Can we build on the first year, will it be a bust or will we just mark time?

2047, sophomore jinx?

[woods]

If I have a "sophomore slump" the season after losing 109 games, I think that officially means I have to hang it up.

But really, I'm hopeful. Free agency finally came through for me this last sim and I got a couple of the guys I wanted. I don't think it's a stretch to say that we might have a shot at .500 this season.