We Don’t Do Game Reports
OK, A Game Report
By Khepri Quraishi, Egypt Today Sports
September 30, 2047
Yeah, so we don’t game reports here. But now we will do one, the final game of the 2047 season for Cairo. The Pharaohs need a win to hit their stretch goal of 70 wins, 17 games better than 2046. They are facing the Bucharest Impalers, winners of 93 games, in Bucharest. What are the odds?
So if we tell you that the Pharaohs are starting a minor league relief pitcher with a total of two innings of major league experience, what are the odds? If we tell you that the Pharaohs manage just four hits, two singles and two doubles, what are the odds?
In a surprise announcement Pharaohs manager Kevin Strong names minor league reliever James Clayton to start on the mound. Clayton was called up just a week ago and has a grand total of two innings of major league experience. Brown tells him that he is on a strict 45-pitch-count limit and do the best he can, maybe get into the third inning.
Meanwhile, in the second inning, soon to be departing Diesel Dave leads off with a walk. Designated hitter Guillermo Ramírez promptly doubles, sending Dave to third. Eliseu Satino singles, scoring Dave and giving Cairo a 1-0 lead. Wally Geoghegan strikes out as Satino steals second base. Third baseman Francisco Hernandez then flies out to center and Ramírez scores the second Pharaoh run. Tyler Shacklady flies out for the third out, but the Pharaohs have a 2-0 lead.
Clayton retires the side in order in the first throwing eleven pitches. He does the same in the second on nine pitches. He gets the Impalers one-two-three in the third on just four pitches. He’s done his job and then some. But he's still in the game. In the fourth he retires Bucharest on twelve pitches. He continues his dominance in the fifth on just eight pitches. Still 2-0 Cairo. But Clayton has reached his 45-pitch count limit.
No worries! Jorge Olvera, Miguel Ortíz, and closer Jorge Fuentes shut down the Impalers over the final four innings, and the Pharaohs improbably win the game 2-0. The stretch goal of 70 is reached.
Clayton, of course, gets named the player of the game. Cairo’s two runs in the second inning stand up for a 2-0 victory. In the big picture, a meaningless win. In the moment, a great accomplishment.
That’s a wrap.
