SAI: Welcome, Stargazers, to another edition of Baseball Mumbai. I'm your host, Sai "Young" Ahuji, and with me, as always, is Aarav "the Umeba" Patil.
AARAV: We're in Metro Stars Hell, Sai.
SAI: Excuse me?
AARAV: The idiot traded away, arguably, our best player.
SAI: Well, that wasn't the transition into things we'd planned, but, I guess, let's just get right into today's big story -- League officials confirm new Mumbai GM, Shoeless, sent catcher, Jose Romero, and his monster bat to Istanbul for -- what this television program views -- a bag of packing peanuts and a used toaster.
AARAV: Geez, couldn't he negotiate to get a bucket of used baseballs out of the deal, too?
SAI: I guess not. Instead, Shoeless gave away the keys to a UMEBA championship for a guy named, Lou "Fetch" Griffin, and some cash. We have cash in Mumbai already. Let's just jump to our top unpaid intern, Wasim Jeffers Jr., who is standing by with GM Shoeless. Wasim?
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WASIM: Thank you, Sai. Shoeless ... holy god ... what were you thinking?
SHOELESS: Listen. I don't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks. I have zero ties to these guys. Zero. Sure, Romero can hit, but that's absolutely where his value ends. I did my damn homework. That guy is not only a terrible clubhouse presence, but he takes plays off behind the plate. He also calls a horrible game. We're in an offensive league, and that moron keeps calling for cheese served on a silver platter right down the heart of the plate. He also admits to never reading scouting reports. Instead, he told me he relies on "feelings". Feelings? This is baseball! There are no feelings. Baseball only has room for working hard, studying hard, and praying to the damned baseball gods. I can tell you this -- the baseball gods hate that guy for how he plays. They told me.
WASIM: You talk to baseball gods?
SHOELESS: You're damn right I do.
WASIM: Ok, then why did the baseball gods need so little in return?
SHOELESS: Little? I would have given Romero away for a bucket of three-day-old fried chicken. Instead, we bring in a guy, Griffin, who is someone I'd be proud to write his name down on the lineup card at catcher. He's a gamer. You'll see. Oh, and we also got $1.75 million in cash money, American. We'll be fine.
WASIM: There you have it, Stargazers. It came straight from this insane man's mouth. Back to you, Sai.
---
SAI: Thank you, Wasim. Aarav, thoughts?
AARAV: That guy is a lunatic.
SAI: Well, I can't disagree. For Baseball Mumbai, this has been Sai and Aarav. We'll, hopefully, still see you at the ballpark.
Baseball Mumbai: Disappearing Stars 2039.5
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Baseball Mumbai: Disappearing Stars 2039.5
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