by Gertie, President, CEO, & Head Banana Counter of the Madison Wolves Organization
August 13,2063 - Well, bless their hearts—our South Bend Proudest Monkeys are hangin’ in there with the grace of a circus act missing its safety net.
At 54-68, the boys are sittin’ dead even with the Dodge City Gunslingers at the bottom of the Midwestern like two unclaimed luggage bags—but don’t let the record fool ya. There’s been growth, grit, and just enough sass to keep me from flipping the whole damn dugout.
Manager Head coach Troy Gill’s got a young, streaky crew. Hitting Coach Dong-po Thum’s working overtime on the bats—we’re fourth in average at .269 and second in stolen bags with 120. That’s right: we run, baby. Lead monkey Manobu Shimizu is batting over .300, and Geoff Grant’s clubbed 15 dingers and driven in 66. We ain't got thunder, but we've got slap and hustle.
Now pitching… oof. It’s been more miss than hit. The bullpen’s got the same ERA as my uncle’s chili-induced heartburn: 5.11, last in the league. We give up bombs like we’re handing out Halloween candy—150 homers, worst in the loop. Pitching Coach Julio Montoya’s been chewing through antacids, but there’s hope. Chong-yee Sung’s 3.12 ERA has been a revelation, and Jose Monsivals is flirting with double-digit wins.
In July we went 15-14, a winning month! The first since the Eisenhower administration, it feels like. August's been rough so far (4-7), but this team’s still playing with pride, even if we’re twenty-one games back and holding steady in last like a lawn chair in a windstorm.
Look—this team’s got character. You don’t build a championship farm by accident. You do it with hustle, hard work, and some damn good banana bread in the clubhouse.
We're not raising quitters in South Bend. Just wait. The Monkeys are gonna swing loud soon.
