FA SNAFU: Black Sox Owner Vinnie Vitale Signs Castillo,
Mistakenly Thinking He's Italian
Fans Rejoice, Critics Guffaw
Slugger yes, Italian no
January 3, 2051 -- Black Sox owner Vinnie Vitale, in an exclusive interview, revealed that he insisted the front office sign slugger Fernando Castillo because he "wanted to reward a fellow paison (countryman)."
"After he settles in, I'm going to invite him over for some zuppe de pesce, some nice gnocchi and ragu, the works. We'll talk about the old country. I bet we both have family in Naples."
When informed by your intrepid reporter that Castillo is actually of Nicaraguan descent, Vitale simply stared out the window, looking dumbfounded and scratching his chin:
After a few minutes Vitale muttered to no one in particular, "I thought he was one of us. I thought he was one of us." He stood and shuffled out the door, and his PR agent promptly shut the interview down.
Castillo, 33, signed a five-year contract totaling $90 million. "That's a lot of meatballs," joked one front office source.
The team has an option in year four. "(So it) looks like a likely 3 year deal worth $59M, because at age 36 it's unlikely he is still covering the corner outfield well and his bat won't be good enough to DH," said one rival GM, asking for anonymity.
Another GM, also asking not to be named, minced no words. "It's an overpay," he said. "He's declined a lot, but had a nice bounce back last season so he could be good."
Castillo's "nice comeback" came with Louisville, where he hit .318 and led the league in slugging at .585 thanks mainly to 40 home runs. He won the Frick League Comeback Player of the Year Award, along with Sawyer Silk Silver Slugger and Charles Puckett Golden Bat Awards.
Fan interest in season tickets is said to have increased considerably after Castillo signed, which the front office values after two straight years without a playoff appearance, and with the departure of fan favorite Pedro Gomez.
Still, this deal could come to haunt the team if he doesn't perform to expectations. Maybe a regimen of Mama Vitale's minestrone and veal parm would be in order.