Cyclone set to hit Twin Cities, put out dumpster fire and take the Fartland by storm
Reporters gather outside Land O' Lakes Ballpark for a late season press conference. It's been highly rumored that River Monsters manager Daniel Berrocales will be sacrificial lamb for yet another abomination of a season. To be honest, it's not his fault. Heck, it's not even long time GM Scott Piccoli's fault. The damage was done during his hiatus a few years ago... ironically enough by the person who penned the league feature series, "An arrogant Jerk's Guide to Sustained Winning". If this is sustained winning, then I'd hate to see what losing is.
About a half hour has passed since the listed time on the presser and still no signs of Berrocales or Piccoli. The beat writers are starting to get restless as it's starting to cut into their lunch break. Suddenly a dark cloud rolls overhead and a twisting wind circles the plaza. A 1988 Camaro Z28 pulls into the parking lot blaring the song "Hook" by Blues Traveler.
"No... it can't be?" Said Ted Phuckupdisteam of the St. Paul News
Out of the car steps none other than former Brooklyn Robins GM Alan Ehlers.
"Well, well well. So we meet again my friends. I always live by the motto of never say never. Many were shocked when I left and even more knew it was only a matter of time before "The hook brought me back". That hook being the unmitigated desire to take a completely dissipated team and rise them up into greatness err mediocrity. So while I may have been gone, I was never far. Like a snake in the weeds I was waiting for the perfect time to strike. And by God there was no better team in need then this sorry looking Twin City River Monster franchise. What a dumpster fire this has become!
While the ink is still drying on the paperwork. I can confirm that I will be taking over the GM responsibilities of Twin Cities. It's quite the job but I feel I have all the credentials to handle the task. Heck, I already have one more Landis win then our new division rival Yellow Springs Nine. But I must stress patients. This is far from a quick fix. I'm not going to be Nostradamus and put a 3 or a 5 year window on this. Just know that it will take some time. I promise not to tank and will just get better day by day incrementally at all facets of the job.
I would be remissed if I did not address the dismissal of Scott Piccoli. In my mind he is "Mr. River Monster" and has all of my respect. I am merely keeping the seat warm and doing some dirty work. If at any point he wants to come back, I will gladly step aside. With that, I must get to work. There is a lot of heavy lifting to be done here."
