(Black Sox GM Vic Caleca is driving South Side Towing truck CC12 northbound on the Bishop Ford Freeway towards Chicago. His dash-mounted iPhone rings, and Caleca sees it’s Sox owner Vinnie Vitale. He answers the call through voice activation.)
Vic Caleca: Vinnie! What’s up?
Vinnie Vitale: Hey Vic. You drivin’ this morning?
Caleca: Yeah. Headed up to the Dan Ryan – there’s an abandoned pickup in one of the accident investigation areas and Billy wants me to take it over to Dolton impound.
Vinnie: Good, good. Billy’s keepin’ you busy.
Caleca: Well, yeah.
Vinnie: That’s good. Gives you less time to screw up my team.
Caleca: Pardon?
Vinnie: Well, there were a couple things I wanted to ask you about.
Sox Owner Vinnie "Mr. Biological" Vitale
Vinnie: Oh, I know. That’s not why I’m calling. Tell me about this guy you signed, then waived and then released – Lennie Ramada.
Caleca: Oh for God’s sake, Vinnie. You mean León Ramírez?
Vinnie: Yeah, that’s what I said. What the hell were we doing with him?
Caleca: Short answer?
Vinnie: Indulge me.
Caleca: I screwed up, Vinnie. We shouldn’t have signed him to begin with. I mean, if he’d been a minimum contract guy, it would’ve been OK, but it didn’t register with me that he was on a 2-year, $5 million-per contract. By the time it did … well, too late.
Vinnie: You know, one of the things they teach in Business 101 is to read the damn contract before you sign anything. In fact, I’m pretty sure my daddy taught me that in like 8th grade.
Caleca (brakes for a traffic tie-up in front of him): I know, I know. I was distracted. I was on my way to make a pickup for Billy over in Midlothian, and I was trying to find us some pitching on the way and I didn’t cross all my T’s.
Vinnie (sighs): OK, so tell me, did you try to at least give him a shot at AAA?
Caleca: As you know, Leon had a rough Spring Training, so I called him in and told him I wanted to send him to Carolina to work some things out.
Vinnie: And?
Caleca: He suggested a few biological impossibilities and then walked out. So I waived him.
Vinnie: And?
Caleca: When he cleared waivers, I called him back in and told him we’d be willing to keep him, but not on the major league roster.
Vinnie: And?
Caleca: He suggested a particularly distasteful biological impossibility, so I cut his ass then and there.
Vinnie (sighs): And this cost us?
Caleca: About $10 million between this year and next … but we got back the roster spot and cleared some cap space.
León Ramírez
Caleca: What do you mean? What's Billy get out of this?
Vinnie: He’s gonna own your ass on overnight tow shifts for the rest of the season.
Caleca (sighs): Well, OK. I probably had that coming.
Vinnie: Damn right. And while I’m at it, where did Fergie Nintendo end up?
Caleca: Fernando … Fernando Navarro, unfortunately, didn’t clear waivers. I didn’t really expect him to, but I hoped he would. Des Moines grabbed him.
Vinnie: And we didn’t want him anymore, why?
Caleca: Because, Vinnie. We’ve been through this. Fernando is a slightly better hitter than Joaquín Torres, but not as good a fielder. Navarro’s excellent at second base and short, but pretty ordinary at third base, and Joaquín is top-notch at all of them. We need the fielding more than the slight hitting upgrade.
Vinnie: Well, we need something, that’s for sure.
Caleca: Look, Vinnie. You gotta realize those predictions are all crazy – that BNN thing that has us winning 90 games is Looney Tunes. If you want something realistic, figure close to .500, maybe a little under, OK? We’re making progress, but it’s gonna take a little while to change over to this new approach with pitching, fielding, and getting on base more consistently. We’ll get there, but not this year.
Vinnie: Yeah, yeah. Fair enough. Speaking of getting there, you on the Dan Ryan yet?
Bye, Fergie!
Vinnie: Welcome to Chi-Town, eh? OK. Well, I gotta run. While you’re sitting there, why don’t you do something obscenely biological?
Caleca: Screw off, Vinnie.
Vinnie (laughs): Yeah, that’s kinda what I had in mind …
(Call and recording end)