Tater Talk: 2043.008 – The Kate Escape

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Tater Talk: 2043.008 – The Kate Escape

Post by jleddy » Thu Jun 18, 2020 7:42 pm

Image I was finished up the last few bites of potato kugel, thanks to Irene in the accounting department. Sure, they were leftovers from her Passover family dinner the night before, but even a nuked home-cooked meal beats starving to death. My iPhone rings, no caller ID.

"Hi, this is Joe Lederer."

"Boss, I fucked up?" The voice was frantic on the other end.

"Um, who is this?"

"It's Joe, Joe Youngblood, sir." The name was somewhat familiar.

"Sorry, son. It's not familiar."

"Joe Youngblood, sir. One of your scouts? My father is Dax Youngblood."

Dax the Dagger. One of the best scouts the Brewster had ever seen. Guy had an eye for talent..damn shame we lost him a few years back.

"Ah, yes. What can I do for you? You don't sound great..everything okay?"

I type "Youngblood" into the staff directory in TUBER, short for The Ultimate Baseball Extranet Repository, the club's proprietary electronic database. The search nets one result: "Joe Youngblood, 27 years old, Amateur Scout".

"I fucked up big time. I don't know what to do."

"Okay, Joe, just settle down. What's going on?"

"So I was driving back from Seattle. I was scouting a few home games of the Starbucks Hot Shots. Saw that sidearm prep pitcher we like in this year's draft, António López and..."

"Whoa, kid...are you on a secure line?"

"No, sir, I'm calling from the phone in the lobby of a Motel 6." The story was getting weirder by the minute and I didn't even know what the situation was.

"A Motel 6? Where are you? And where is your company phone?"

"I'm in Nampa, sir. Any my phone, well, that's the thing."

"If you're in Nampa, why are you calling me? You're twenty miles from the ballpark. Just come in and we'll talk."

"Sir, this can't wait. I lost the Wheel."

"'The Wheel'? Like, your car?"

"No, sir. My hardcopy of The Great Wheel." I'd never been in a fist fight my entire life but what I felt right then and there when I heard those words over the phone felt like what must be the equivalent of a one-two punch to the gut.

"Can you repeat that for me? I'm hoping I didn't hear what I thought I heard."

"My copy of The Great Wheel. It's been stolen. Along with my phone and my briefcase."

"You have a briefcase? Who uses a briefcase?"

"Had a briefcase, sir. It was my father's. He used on the road for thirty years. He presented it to me before he died."

"Sorry to hear that but I'm more concerned about you losing valuable company property. How the fuck did this happen?" My temper, mixed with confusion and little heartburn from Irene's kugel, had gotten the better of me.

"So like I said, I was heading back from Seattle and I had to take a leak. I'd been driving for hours and I just couldn't hold it any longer. So I pulled off into The Potato House to use their restroom. In the parking lot, I bumped into this woman, and well, we started talking and..."

Silence.

"And what? What happened?"

"You know."

"NO, I DO NOT FUCKING KNOW, JOE."

"She seduced me. She lured me in like a honey trap. We ended up going to the Motel 6 where I'm calling from and, well, we made love for hours. Next thing I realize, my briefcase is gone from the room. It had my phone, laptop, some scouting report printouts and my hardcopy of The Great Wheel."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Who was this woman? Did she steal your briefcase?"

"She must have, sir. It's the only logical explanation."

"There's nothing logical about any of this. Did you catch a name?"

"Not a first name. At least she didn't tell me a first name. She wore a small golden chain that had the letters 'KF' on it. She called herself 'Mrs. Fields'. Honestly, I think it was an alias."

"Okay, Columbo, thanks for the tip. Could you describe her more? We gotta find out who has a copy of The Great Wheel."

"And my briefcase."

"Fuck your briefcase, kid," I snapped back at him. "The woman, tell me more."

"Well, she was blonde, in her mid-to-late 40s, maybe. She was in great shape so she could have been younger than that. Huge tits, I remember those." I don't care who this kid's father is, his career with Boise, let alone his life expectancy, was getting shorter by the second.

"Anything else?"

"Oh yeah, a tattoo. Right on her ass. It was a heart with the name 'Dan' in cursive."

"Okay, kid. I'll take it from here. I want you to drive straight to the ballpark and come into my office. Will discuss more of this later."

"I'm so sorry, sir. I know I've let you down." Was that crying I was hearing on the other end?

"Hey, don't sweat it. Just come back to the office, it'll be fine. Us Joes gotta stick together."
"My $#!? doesn't work in the playoffs." - Billy Beane Joe Lederer

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Re: Tater Talk: 2043.008 – The Kate Escape

Post by 7teen » Thu Jun 18, 2020 7:52 pm

Pure gold!!!!

Love the contradicting “length of exchange” told by Joe.
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Re: Tater Talk: 2043.008 – The Kate Escape

Post by jleddy » Thu Jun 18, 2020 8:29 pm

7teen wrote:
Thu Jun 18, 2020 7:52 pm
Pure gold!!!!

Love the contradicting “length of exchange” told by Joe.
He said, she said.
"My $#!? doesn't work in the playoffs." - Billy Beane Joe Lederer

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Re: Tater Talk: 2043.008 – The Kate Escape

Post by Lane » Fri Jun 19, 2020 10:52 am

Mrs Fields... Classic
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