Top 10 Signs the Chilis Aren't Good
Posted: Sat Jun 05, 2021 1:40 pm
...with apologies to Letterman...
10. Several players admit to being physically intimidated by the Chilis bat boy.
9. Instead of "OPS", the Chilis have a stat column titled "OOPS".
8. Chief scout's previous job was running the presidential campaign of Kanye West.
7. No steroid use, but a handful of players are addicted to NyQuil.
6. Instead of "Take Me Out Too The Ball Game", spectators rise before the home 7th and join in singing "Nearer My God To Thee".
5. Pitching coach visits the mound only when he wants to talk about latest episode of "Mare of Easttown".
4. Outfielders often burst into tears when left out of "around the horn" after strikeouts.
3. Fans looking up Chilis stats page are usually blocked by computer filter judging their stats "unsuitable for family viewing".
2. Rather than video of upcoming pitchers, for some reason team just watches the movie "Beaches" over and over...
And Number One...
1. Roving peanut and beer vendors have been replaced by Red Cross volunteers, who dispense blankets and mugs of soup to distressed fans.
10. Several players admit to being physically intimidated by the Chilis bat boy.
9. Instead of "OPS", the Chilis have a stat column titled "OOPS".
8. Chief scout's previous job was running the presidential campaign of Kanye West.
7. No steroid use, but a handful of players are addicted to NyQuil.
6. Instead of "Take Me Out Too The Ball Game", spectators rise before the home 7th and join in singing "Nearer My God To Thee".
5. Pitching coach visits the mound only when he wants to talk about latest episode of "Mare of Easttown".
4. Outfielders often burst into tears when left out of "around the horn" after strikeouts.
3. Fans looking up Chilis stats page are usually blocked by computer filter judging their stats "unsuitable for family viewing".
2. Rather than video of upcoming pitchers, for some reason team just watches the movie "Beaches" over and over...
And Number One...
1. Roving peanut and beer vendors have been replaced by Red Cross volunteers, who dispense blankets and mugs of soup to distressed fans.
