On a Higher Plane...2035.15 First ever free agent signing!

[felipe]

The Wichita Aviators announced their first ever free agent signing today, presumably for posterity's sake.

"Everyone knows that I don't like the French," grimaced the Genius," But I digress..."

"This guy, has been a BBA starter in center-field for four of his six big league seasons, and he's only twenty eight years old. He has averaged over thirty stolen bases a season over his career. He gives you plus defence at a premium position. He has a .700 OPS against lefties in his career. And...he's a Frenchman."

"That has to be the only reason I was able to get this guy on a minor league deal. Sure, he'll get paid $1.2 million this year if I don't find anyone better before the season starts, but I think he'll be worth it. He's a perfect complement to Whitey Dickinson in centerfield. I can't begin to tell you, how much I dreaded playing Whitey against lefties...and his defence? It seems to be slipping by the hour! But I digress..."

"This guy can back up any outfield position; I will never have to watch Duarte boot the ball around the outfield in a one run late inning game! That has to be worth a million dollars in itself! Spaniards...I don't think that they have baseball gloves in Spain...or at least have someone to teach them how to put them on...but I digress..."

"Alain Pichon will not be the reason we win many games in 2035, but he definetly won't be the reason we lose them. Which might be the nicest thing that I have ever said about a Frenchman."