2059-009: Talons Update: Gertie's Girls Fucked Around; Also Gertie's Girls Find Out
Posted: Wed Jun 26, 2024 8:07 am
Maricopa County Sheriffs' Office, AZ--
The travelling band of baseball groupies known as "Gertie's Girls" are currently experiencing a slight delay in their journey!
Responding to a reported break in at the World's Largest Denny'sTM, Maricopa County Sheriff's Deputies took into custody at least two of the Girls, holding them on charges that include trespassing, breaking and entering, as well as attempted arson (apparently one of them tried to prepare a Moons Over My Hammy in the damaged kitchen and started a small fire).
Those charges shouldn't surprise anyone, given the mayhem and damage the Girls caused. But a closer look at the rap sheet also lists Aggravated Vehicular Assault, a 4th degree felony. What's going on here? An examination of the CCTV reveals all:
So, yeah, while the Girl's were calmly enjoying their impromptu and highly illegal breakfast, they failed to notice the suffering right behind them. Yes, it was apparently Talons starting pitcher Arthur Dunn's turn to take his shift at the CF Denny's when, out of nowhere, a 35 year old Subaru Forester SUV smashed through the restaurant. Dunn managed to avoid serious injury, but is now listed as day-today with a Oblique strain, suffered as he lunged out of the way of the careening Subaru. Talons management was none too pleased at the developments.
The Talons Reclusive GM issued the following statement: "The terrorist group known as 'Gertie's Girls' are currently booked in the Maricopa County jail awaiting arraignment on a variety of charges," he began. "Their reckless endangerment not only caused upwards of $420,069 in damages to our beloved CF Denny's, they also literally took out one of our starting pitchers, seen in the CCTV footage writhing in pain next to that Subaru."
"This will not stand. And yeah, I did release Jaypee Estancia. Now, looks like ol' Ernest McBride is going on waivers and poor Your Mom is gonna ride the pine down in Medicine Hat. I didn't want to do these things, but the Girls forced my hand. So enjoy your time in lockup, Gertie. Hope you don't get any bedsores!
The GM added one more thing: "Oh and looks like they haven't been to Bikini yet. When they finally make it out of the Joint, let's hope that the "Come Together Door" scrambles them up just like the transporter accident in Star Trek The Motion Picture!"
Go Talons!
The travelling band of baseball groupies known as "Gertie's Girls" are currently experiencing a slight delay in their journey!
Responding to a reported break in at the World's Largest Denny'sTM, Maricopa County Sheriff's Deputies took into custody at least two of the Girls, holding them on charges that include trespassing, breaking and entering, as well as attempted arson (apparently one of them tried to prepare a Moons Over My Hammy in the damaged kitchen and started a small fire).
Those charges shouldn't surprise anyone, given the mayhem and damage the Girls caused. But a closer look at the rap sheet also lists Aggravated Vehicular Assault, a 4th degree felony. What's going on here? An examination of the CCTV reveals all:
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So, yeah, while the Girl's were calmly enjoying their impromptu and highly illegal breakfast, they failed to notice the suffering right behind them. Yes, it was apparently Talons starting pitcher Arthur Dunn's turn to take his shift at the CF Denny's when, out of nowhere, a 35 year old Subaru Forester SUV smashed through the restaurant. Dunn managed to avoid serious injury, but is now listed as day-today with a Oblique strain, suffered as he lunged out of the way of the careening Subaru. Talons management was none too pleased at the developments.
The Talons Reclusive GM issued the following statement: "The terrorist group known as 'Gertie's Girls' are currently booked in the Maricopa County jail awaiting arraignment on a variety of charges," he began. "Their reckless endangerment not only caused upwards of $420,069 in damages to our beloved CF Denny's, they also literally took out one of our starting pitchers, seen in the CCTV footage writhing in pain next to that Subaru."
"This will not stand. And yeah, I did release Jaypee Estancia. Now, looks like ol' Ernest McBride is going on waivers and poor Your Mom is gonna ride the pine down in Medicine Hat. I didn't want to do these things, but the Girls forced my hand. So enjoy your time in lockup, Gertie. Hope you don't get any bedsores!
The GM added one more thing: "Oh and looks like they haven't been to Bikini yet. When they finally make it out of the Joint, let's hope that the "Come Together Door" scrambles them up just like the transporter accident in Star Trek The Motion Picture!"
Go Talons!