First they claimed that they were "Earth's Team". Then, they ignored the Talons Reclusive GM on LinkedIn. Now they are kidnapping former Talons star players and forcing them to pretend to play for a fake team in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
"What is this?? Ron Collins of the Bikini Krill? Or Mr. Swackhammer of Moron Mountain??" TEMAFPD Director David Frum exclaimed to no one in particular. "I feel like maybe the next person they should sign is 1996 Michael Jordan or something. Maybe Bill Murray too," Frum said.
All the fancy headers and off topic boxes on the Krill's 196 Team News articles can't hide the fact that this is one desperate team. "You should see them literally begging other GM's to take their players for one dollar," Frum smugly remarked, failing to realize that the Talons themselves were doing the same thing earlier in the year.
But we digress. The real issue here is the fact that they are using blatant bait and switch tactics to sign former Talons stars Ichizo Sugiyama and Jay Hodge (among others like Bill Constable) to contracts that sometimes even give the false promise of a major league call-up, only to languish in the minors untill the last day of the season when they will be magically "teleported" to a desolate island to sign autographs for snotty, disinterested kids and neckbearded, fanny pack wearing card collectors.
"It really is sad," Frum said, "The crazy things they will try in order to convince the BBA that they are a real team. They even claim to have 'attendance' numbers. Well, I've got news for them. There's a little thing called Google Maps and you know what?"
"There's nothing there! Aside from a few craters, its just a desolate wasteland. Like Central Arizona, but with less people. In this case, none." he concluded. Then Frum presented a powerpoint deck composed of but a single slide:
"See what I mean?? SAD."
