The IT professionals at the Talons Corporate Headquarters And Denny's FranchiseTM have been going through hellish times lately, as the central backbone of the Talons Electronic Media And Forum Posting DepartmentTM LAN network continues to experience error codes such as "[42308.078323] EXT4-fs (sda5): warning: maximal article count reached, running e2fsck is recommended", "00:10:32: ERROR[CurlFetchThread]: servers.talons.net/announce not found (Timeout was reached) (response code 0)", and the dreaded "34098:576 - KEYBOARD NOT FOUND: Press any key to continue".
Interns and Co-ops have been working frantically to resolve the issues, which continue to cause problems with the club, even down to day-to-day stadium operations, as witnessed by this recent scoreboard malfunction:
A team of networking technicians and AI chatbots was dispatched to find the source of the issue. Even the smartest player in the franchise, reliever Jeff Locke, couldn't make heads or tails of the issue. And it wasn't just the scoreboard that was affected either. More problems have surfaced throughout the stadium, including an error in the Talons ClubTM bar where double shots of VODAK were ringing up at $459.25 on the registers. In addition, an entire truckload of World Famous Talons 3 Dollar SushiTM was ruined when the cold storage temperature controls went awry.
Even trade negotiations have been affected. A recent rash of trades have seen former players such as P Jose Mercio and RF Ted Benson were practically given away to other teams in exchange for embarrassingly small sums of cash, as little as $100,000 in some cases. The Front Office framed these trades as cost cutting moves, but insiders suspect that the deals may have been initiated and consummated in their entirety by an error ridden Talons Chat GTP algorithm. What else can explain the recent $69,420 minor league contract doled out to Konrad Cimonszewicz?
Recent speculation as to the cause of the computer issues has focused on the TEMAFPDTM and the hosting of their articles on the Talons Team News site. Apparently, the article headlines contain a random number of zeroes in the numbering sequence, and this one tiny factor might just explain the rash of exceptions, corrupt memory files, fragmented hard drives, and fatal errors that have plagued the front office mainframe as of late. Even as this article is written, teams of first-year IT students from the University of PhoenixTM have been swarming the Talons server rooms, looking for a solution. In the meantime, who knows what other random craziness will continue as long as headlines like this exist on the server:
Go Snolat!
