2053-0006: Talons, Having Met All Required Participation Metrics, Plan To Go Dark For Rest of Season. See You In 2054!

[jiminyhopkins]

Phoenix, AZ--

The erstwhile members of the Talons Electronic Media And Forum Posting Department (TEMAFPD) were busy popping the Champagne this evening.

Turns out, with this, the sixth Team News of the 2053 season, the franchise has met the Constitutionally required minimums for participation in the BBA, and all before Opening Day to boot.

TEMAFPD director David Frum explained: "Well of course we didn't count the Team News where we said that Drafts are Shitty in three sentences. Didn't even number it. But this one right here? The news that you're reading right now? It's a legit number 6. Plus, we also have the minimum 25 posts on the forum boards. We even managed to fit in a half-assed Team Preview of our own team. Our work here is done!"

Frum elaborated. "Oh of course we'll make all our exports. We have a 99.5% all time export record to maintain, after all. And, of course, we don't tank, and we pay our yearly Markus Tax. We'll respond to trade offers - not that we'll get any - 'politely and promptly', just like the Constitution says. And we'll even vote for all the awards, with our own players of course - gotta respect tradition. By my math, that's 6.75 points for the exports, 12 points for the six legit Team Newses, 1 point for the 25 forum posts, and another crucial, single point for our "shitty draft" poll that got like 7 votes."

"That's 20.75 PPT for Constitutionally 'taking the time to better the league with [our] contributions', which is above the mandated minimum, AND is enough for our annual reliever conversion next offseason. SO, we did it, gang!" he said to his jubilant staff. "Everyone take the rest of the year off!"

With that, the gathered interns of the TEMAFPD let out a hearty cheer and toasted a job well done, and in record time. So, we guess that's it, right? No news if McBride wins the Silk with 60 homers. No news if when Bing-de Zhao suffers his Career Ending Injury on his sixth DL stint. And, sadly, no news when the Talons make all of their shitty draft picks, on Auto of course.

So farewell, Talons! We'll see you on the Boards again in 2054!

Go Talons!

[Dington]

You’ve got some of the best TN…don’t call it early just because the tryptophan is kicking in…

[CTBrewCrew]

What no Liberty news this season?