2052-0002: Talons Fuflill Constitutionally Mandated Requirement for Two Whole Team News Articles by the All Star Break
Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2022 10:31 am
Phoenix, AZ--
Apparently, the Talons "agreed" to abide by the constitution and meet various minimums by some arbitrary date. In this case, Oct 6th, 2022 - ahh shit we mean The All Star Break 2052.
So why not run down some things that happened to Phoenix this season? Surely somewhere in here there will be the constitutionally mandated two original content paragraphs, no?
So the Talons previous owner died in an IHOP bathroom, as reported (much) earlier. The new owner is heir to the Denny's Restaurant fortune, Denny D. Dennison. The Talons former manager decided to retire, thrusting 41 year old bench coach and former Talon CF Thad Meyer into the hot seat. The Talons also decided to sign a bunch of expensive, big name free agents to try and capitalize on their 96 win performance in 2051. So how did that work out?
Ernest McBride was the big spash, but he might have been Ernest P. Worrell, as he signed late, played 18 games, and then got injured for the season. Stephen Collins was signed, hit in 25 straight games, and then hurt his back. Bing-de Zhao was signed, got hurt in spring training, hit .196, then got hurt again. SP/DH Don Jarimillo was signed as a true 2-way player, had 1.1 WAR pitching and 1.8 WAR hitting, then got hurt for the rest of the season.
Other people were signed, they did crappy/got hurt, blah blah blah wah wah wah.
Oh and the Talons missed the draft because they actually have a life so there's that.
Have a nice season everyone. See you just before the Landis when I spam out 4 shitty articles to meet the minimum (and I won't be the only one, natch).
Cheers!
Apparently, the Talons "agreed" to abide by the constitution and meet various minimums by some arbitrary date. In this case, Oct 6th, 2022 - ahh shit we mean The All Star Break 2052.
So why not run down some things that happened to Phoenix this season? Surely somewhere in here there will be the constitutionally mandated two original content paragraphs, no?
So the Talons previous owner died in an IHOP bathroom, as reported (much) earlier. The new owner is heir to the Denny's Restaurant fortune, Denny D. Dennison. The Talons former manager decided to retire, thrusting 41 year old bench coach and former Talon CF Thad Meyer into the hot seat. The Talons also decided to sign a bunch of expensive, big name free agents to try and capitalize on their 96 win performance in 2051. So how did that work out?
Ernest McBride was the big spash, but he might have been Ernest P. Worrell, as he signed late, played 18 games, and then got injured for the season. Stephen Collins was signed, hit in 25 straight games, and then hurt his back. Bing-de Zhao was signed, got hurt in spring training, hit .196, then got hurt again. SP/DH Don Jarimillo was signed as a true 2-way player, had 1.1 WAR pitching and 1.8 WAR hitting, then got hurt for the rest of the season.
Other people were signed, they did crappy/got hurt, blah blah blah wah wah wah.
Oh and the Talons missed the draft because they actually have a life so there's that.
Have a nice season everyone. See you just before the Landis when I spam out 4 shitty articles to meet the minimum (and I won't be the only one, natch).
Cheers!
