2037-30: Talons are F*cked: 'Lumpy' LaLoosh and his $100MM Aren't Going Anywhere

[jiminyhopkins]

Phoenix, AZ--

It seemed like the perfect match. A team with a bevy of young hitters, a good bullpen, and a rotation that needed just one thing:

An ace.

When the Talons signed Lawrence Columbus LaLoosh to a 5 year deal last winter, the contract was considered an expensive, but necessary step for the Talons to ascend to relevance in the Johnson League. LaLoosh would pad his sure-fire HOF numbers, while the franchise would have a recognized superstar to lead the staff and front the rotation. A trip to the playoffs seemed assured.

And, even when LaLoosh was sidelined with shoulder troubles in June, there was no sense of panic. He didn't need surgery. He'd be back for the stretch run. After all, Talons team trainer Ashton Bryant has a "LEGENDARY" reputation for "Healing Arms".

Things didn't quite wrk out that way. One week before the ace was due to return, the dreaded announcement came: LaLoosh needed surgery to repair a torn labrum, and would miss the season. Suddenly, memories of Ignacio Rodriguez began giving Talons executives palpitations.

And it has only gotten worse. Even as the club won the SunBelt Division (named after a granola bar, we guess), the future of the Talons' 100 Million Dollar Ace began to look more and more grim. His latest ratings came back at a horriffic 7/6/8. Clearly he is but a shadow of his former self, the former self that came back from a torn UCL in 2029 to win multiple Nebraska Awards. Those days definitely got him paid, but those days are most assuredly over.

Oh well, maybe he'll be a decent #3 starter when (if) he comes back.

[ae37jr]

Never trust a guy named Crash.

[RonCo]

Sorry to see this.

[Ted]

That sucks man. Maybe you'll get lucky and this will morph into a CEI. I mean, at some point the baseball gods have to get bored and look for new prey, right?