2051.17 All Star Diesel Dave
Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2022 3:13 am
All Star Diesel Dave
The man, the myth, the two time all star
Diesel Dave drives to Land O' Lakes Park in his Ford F150 XLT just like it's another day at the ballpark. He stops at his local Waffle House on the way to the field and has the usual. Meat lovers egg white omelette with hash browns.... smothered, covered and chunked. He puts a quarter in the jukebox to play his favorite song and stiffs the waitress who he had been hitting on.
When Dave arrives at the field, he parks in his same 'ole spot. Taking up the first two handicap spots, parked diagonal so nobody scratches the paint of his baby. He enters the clubhouse and takes a seat at his locker.
"Hmm, this uniform sure do look funny?" questioned Dave as he looked around the room to see strange faces. He then walked over to the lineup board to see if he was in the starting lineup. "Mendoza, Makin, McBride.... what in the golly gee willickers... did I get traded?"
Dave then marches right in to the managers office.
"Skip, did you trade me? and if you did, how am I in the same clubhouse but everyone else is different. Did you trade the whole gosh darn team 'cept me?"
The swivel chair spins around and it's Nashville Bluebird manager Sylvester Reed
"Leaping lizards. I know you. Ain't you that der manager of the Blueballs?" Yelled Dave
Sylvester Reed responded, "Yes, Dave. Well it's the Bluebirds but I think you got it."
"No sir, no blue balls here. I make sure to take care of that myself everyday. How you think I got these dinger hitters here? Well, maybe just a little bit from Connie at the Waffle House. She’s so pretty she could make a hound dog smile. But she'll come around. They always come around after I hit some dingers."
Reed: "Well anyway, Congrats on making the all star team Dave".
"All Star team? Heck yeah. That's an extra $92k in my pocket. Couldn't have come at a better time either. I couldn’t jump over a nickel to save a dime right now. This will let me get the mud flaps I've always wanted."
Reed: "Niiiice. Glad I can make your dreams come true."
"So where am I hitting in the order Mr. Blueball?"
Reed: "Oh, you're not actually going to play in the All Star Game. League says I have to have one rep from each team. We all know Twin Cities has nothing but shitty players. I was lobbying to name the stadium as your representative but the commish put the squash on that. You'll just be in the bullpen warming up the pitchers."
"So no dingers tonight?"
Reed, "Sorry Dave, no dingers tonight."
"Dang it. That makes me madder than a tornado in a trailer park. How will I ever impress sweet baby Connie?"
Reed, "Oh, I dunno.... maybe tip her?"
Diesel Dave drives to Land O' Lakes Park in his Ford F150 XLT just like it's another day at the ballpark. He stops at his local Waffle House on the way to the field and has the usual. Meat lovers egg white omelette with hash browns.... smothered, covered and chunked. He puts a quarter in the jukebox to play his favorite song and stiffs the waitress who he had been hitting on.
When Dave arrives at the field, he parks in his same 'ole spot. Taking up the first two handicap spots, parked diagonal so nobody scratches the paint of his baby. He enters the clubhouse and takes a seat at his locker.
"Hmm, this uniform sure do look funny?" questioned Dave as he looked around the room to see strange faces. He then walked over to the lineup board to see if he was in the starting lineup. "Mendoza, Makin, McBride.... what in the golly gee willickers... did I get traded?"
Dave then marches right in to the managers office.
"Skip, did you trade me? and if you did, how am I in the same clubhouse but everyone else is different. Did you trade the whole gosh darn team 'cept me?"
The swivel chair spins around and it's Nashville Bluebird manager Sylvester Reed
"Leaping lizards. I know you. Ain't you that der manager of the Blueballs?" Yelled Dave
Sylvester Reed responded, "Yes, Dave. Well it's the Bluebirds but I think you got it."
"No sir, no blue balls here. I make sure to take care of that myself everyday. How you think I got these dinger hitters here? Well, maybe just a little bit from Connie at the Waffle House. She’s so pretty she could make a hound dog smile. But she'll come around. They always come around after I hit some dingers."
Reed: "Well anyway, Congrats on making the all star team Dave".
"All Star team? Heck yeah. That's an extra $92k in my pocket. Couldn't have come at a better time either. I couldn’t jump over a nickel to save a dime right now. This will let me get the mud flaps I've always wanted."
Reed: "Niiiice. Glad I can make your dreams come true."
"So where am I hitting in the order Mr. Blueball?"
Reed: "Oh, you're not actually going to play in the All Star Game. League says I have to have one rep from each team. We all know Twin Cities has nothing but shitty players. I was lobbying to name the stadium as your representative but the commish put the squash on that. You'll just be in the bullpen warming up the pitchers."
"So no dingers tonight?"
Reed, "Sorry Dave, no dingers tonight."
"Dang it. That makes me madder than a tornado in a trailer park. How will I ever impress sweet baby Connie?"
Reed, "Oh, I dunno.... maybe tip her?"