Twin Cities River Monsters' Terribly Named and Too Hard to Type News Blog for Baseball Stories 2044.1

[Ted]

TCRMTNTHTTNBBS #1
Wed Oct 5th, 2044
Recalci T. M. Thrope


Morning. My name is Recalci. Or Mr. Thrope. Whatever. I've been hired to take over this publication about the River Monsters. Just so you know, it's a team sponsored blog, so don't expect any hard hitting stories. They're sure to censor the crap out of me. I'd be surprised if you even get to read this.

The River Monsters have a new GM. Which sucks. Because Scott Piccoli did a really good job here. He just ran into a lot of bad luck. But we all know owner Robin Wells has the patience of a five year old who just found out Christmas is in three months. So here we are. Idiot.

New GM Ted Schmidt had a successful 15 or so year run as GM of the now Sacramento Insane Clergymen but formerly California Religious Bigot Soldiers. (Somehow I don't see that name change as an upgrade.) As the official team blogging henchman, for however long that lasts, I'll be getting to talk to him on a regular basis. I read some of his old press releases. There was a lot of hinting at a fractious relationship with other GMs and league management from time to time. After a five year hiatus he surfaced as the host of a popular podcast that covers the BBA. I hear he has a lot of opinions. I've never listened. I don't like podcasts. Mostly they are just people who like to stand on a soapbox and pretend they know more than you. The kind of weak willed incompetents that crave attention and praise. I can't stand people like that. I bet working with him will be an absolute joy. We did a phone interview. Here it is.

RTMT: "Mr. Schmidt, congratulations on your new position. What intrigued you about the Twin Cities River Monsters general manager opening?"

Schmidt: "It was offered to me."

RTMT: "Excuse me?"

Schmidt: "Recte offered me the job. I would have taken a lot of teams. I almost didn't take this one, but figured, 'What the hell, why not?'"

RTMT: "That's it. A whim? Are you saying you have no particular interest in the Twin Cities or River Monsters?"

Schmidt: "Oh no. Not at all. I've been wanting to get back into running a team for some time. There are simply a very specific set of factors I was looking for in a franchise to take over. TWC wasn't really on my radar. After digging into the team a bit, I figured I could make it work."

RTMT: "What do you mean by, make it work? What are these factors? Do you have an overall strategy for brining success to the River Monsters?"

Schmidt: "You really don't want me to go into details."

RTMT: "What do you think the 'common people' can't follow your intricate master plan? I've read your Arrogant Jerk series. We aren't all idiots, you know."

Schmidt: "I don't think you're an inbred moron at all. I just think your readers won't like the details."

RTMT: "Well THANK YOU for the vote of confidence. Look, you may think we're a bunch of dumb Midwesterners, but if you try to pull some shady maneuvers with this team, it's going to become obvious really fast. The fans won't stand for it."

Schmidt: "Oh, I won't be making any moves. Well except the two I've already made. First, I've promoted myself to Chief President of Executive Baseball Operations. I've also hired a GM. I'll send him your way soon. He'll be making all the day to day decisions."

RTMT: "What exactly do you think ...."

Schmidt: "There might be some rebranding."

RTMT: "What?"

Schmidt: "I don't like the team name. It's too hard to say or type. It's a marketing nightmare."

RTMT: "Do you think fans will..."

Schmidt: "I'm bored now. Goodbye."

So that's it Rivers Monster fans. I want to be angry, but well, Schmidt doesn't really seem like he gives two shits, and I don't know what to make of that. Looks like I'll get the pleasure of talking to our "real" new GM soon.

-Not an inbread moron,
Recalci Trent Misan Thrope

[usnspecialist]

This is fantastic

[jiminyhopkins]

Obligatory reply

[Ted]

Obligatory reply

IT BEGINS!

[HoosierVic]

Hmm. Well, just because he's not an inbred moron doesn't mean he isn't still a moron. And if Thrope's name isn't a nom de plume, his parents either were cruel jokesters or shrewd judges of character even at an early age.

Still, a worthy introduction to TC's new management. We're strapping in - this should be fun!

[aaronweiner]

I'm surprised this column isn't written by Ms. Ann Thrope.

I actually thought that TWC would fit your needs pretty well, for what I understand them to be.

[Ted]

I'm surprised this column isn't written by Ms. Ann Thrope.

I actually thought that TWC would fit your needs pretty well, for what I understand them to be.

It's not written by Ms. Ann Thrope because I'm not that clever. Also I like the word recalcitrant. And Twin Cities fits well. I just hadn't really considered them for whatever reason.

[Jwalk100]

Best answer: "It was offered to me."

[GoldenOne]

I've always wondered why the "Land of 1,000 Lakes" had a team named River Monsters. Are there rivers connecting all those lakes? I mean, I like the logo but....

[aaronweiner]

I'm surprised this column isn't written by Ms. Ann Thrope.

I actually thought that TWC would fit your needs pretty well, for what I understand them to be.

It's not written by Ms. Ann Thrope because I'm not that clever. Also I like the word recalcitrant. And Twin Cities fits well. I just hadn't really considered them for whatever reason.

Well, up until this year they'd been winning.

[Dington]

Twin Cities Octomoms?

[usnspecialist]

I'm surprised this column isn't written by Ms. Ann Thrope.

I actually thought that TWC would fit your needs pretty well, for what I understand them to be.

It's not written by Ms. Ann Thrope because I'm not that clever. Also I like the word recalcitrant. And Twin Cities fits well. I just hadn't really considered them for whatever reason.

Well, up until this year they'd been winning.

That just means they could be at the start of the downfall.

[Fat Nige]

Twin City Top Cats? TCTC?

[Dington]

Twin Titties?

[Ted]

Twin Titties?

The logo options are ... titillating?

[Ted]

Twin City Top Cats? TCTC?

I do like me some Top Cat. (And basically anything old school Hanna-Barbera.)

[Dington]

Twin Titties?

The logo options are ... titillating?

I’m imagining two large baseball shapes emerging out of a Norwegian woman’s blouse with a Viking helmet and holding two large steins of beer.

[JimBob2232]

nice. welcome back Ted!

[Jwalk100]

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[Dington]

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Perfect