2042 Brewster Baseball Association Preview

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2042 Brewster Baseball Association Preview

Post by jleddy » Sun Mar 29, 2020 6:46 pm

Niles was kind enough to introduce me to his trophy guy, so I had thirty-two of them made and each team gets one. Yes, even in 2042, we as a society still reward even the most mediocre participation. Sorry, UMEBA…I may be Ambassador but this is only for the big boys.

Without further ado, here is an award-riddled preview of the entire Brewster universe:

The “One-Armed Bandit’” Award - Atlantic City Gamblers
In a town known for casinos and gambling, slot machines are a likely attraction. Well, Atlantic City won’t likely hit it rich with Randy Bader behind the plate. Coming off a season in which he threw out only 20% of would-be-stealers, Bader and his 4-rated arm will be a welcome sight to Johnson League baserunners.

The “Jon Reed Award” Award - Boise Spuds
Yes, it’s a ‘podcast x feature’ crossover! What was GM Joe Lederer (yes, I write in third-person if you haven’t caught on in three-years of team news) thinking when giving a contract to Reed? What drugs was he on when dumping PP into Reed this winter? #hotgarbage

The “Going Out With a Bang or a Whimper” Award - Brooklyn Robins
Is this really GM Alan Ehlers’ last year at the helm? He’s already made some interesting moves this spring. Could he be pushing in all his chips (as short of a stack as they are) into the middle? Or could he flip his middle finger at Dylan Thomas and decide to go gentle into the good night? Time will only tell.

The “Put Some Money On It” Award - Calgary Pioneers
The league very well might be split into two camps: there is one which thinks GM Kevin Dickson and his 103-game winning squad from 2041 contends for the 2042 Frontier, if not Landis and then there’s Niles, who put his massive balls on the line while pontificating an 81-81 season for Calgary. I say the two gentlemen make a bet that we can track all year long.

The “Poet Laureate” Award - California Crusaders
The Brewster life outside of the game is typically what most of us enjoy more than the wins and losses themselves (or “more than the championship trophies themselves,” in Ron’s case.) There’s the adventures of Dan Fiscus, the Stu Hopkins banana republic mafia stories, and now the tales of Vinnie Vitale in Chicago or Hellscape in Yellow Springs. Hell, even Al Hoot once recorded himself reading “Casey At The Bat.” But Shoeless’ own unique style, from poetry to the introspective Brewstopocene Reviewed podcast, is not only one-of-a-kind, but important to the league’s history.

The “Oh Great, Smash Mouth Walk-Up Music Again” Award - Charlotte Cougars
If you’re not getting better, at least give your fans something to look forward to. Charlotte might be able to do both this year, certainly the latter after GM Brett Golden brought in David Noboru (7x All-Star), Carlos Gonzales (6x), Cristobal Hernandex (4x) and Lee McHone (1x) to the roster this spring

The “’You Get It! You Get It!’ ‘No, You Get It!’” Award - Charm City Jimmies
The Jimmies finished last in defensive plays made above average on flyballs and didn’t do much to address it in the off-season, unless you considerer adding ground baller Feliciano Rafael via trade a solution. Say a prayer for the centerfielders on the roster, because the Jimmies corner outfielders cover less surface area than a Bru Luccas thong. (Go ahead, I’ll wait.)

The “Ancestory.com Front Office” Award - Chicago Black Sox
Who saw Caleca’s abrupt resignation? Anyone guess it’d be Vinny’s sister-in-law to get the call to replace Vic? What other family members, blood-related or otherwise, can we expect to show up in the halls of Black Sox Park? I’ll be sure to watch the league’s most entertaining reality show this season.

The “Official BBA Team of Groupon” Award - Des Moines Kernels
With the lowest ticket prices ($6.75) and earning less season ticket revenue than seven UMEBA clubs, the Kernels might soon be paying you to come watch them. At least the kettle corn is good.

The “What Else Is So God Damn Interesting in Edmonton?” Award - Edmonton Jackrabbits
Two titles in four years and a five-year streak of reaching the playoffs, you’d think people up in Alberta’s capital would be interested in their ballclub. But nooooo, these jackass Jackrabbit “fans” continue to rank at the bottom in Fan Interest. What does GM Chris Robillard have to do to stir up some support, wheel out 81-year-old Wayne Gretzky before each game to throw out the first pitch?

The "Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wife" Award - Hawaii Tropics
Have you seen Jacob Brown? Thank god he spends half the game wearing a mask. People that ugly deserve to be on an island. Wait a minute...
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The “Pressure? What Pressure?” Award - Jacksonville Hurricanes
What has GM Gregg Greathouse gotten himself into? He was sitting in Beirut, minding his own business, enjoying life in the UMEBA. But suddently he’s thrust right into the BBA, taking over a franchise in the midst of a dynasty run. While Jacksonville isn’t one of the most hallowed franchises in league history, they’ve certainly been on of the most dominate in recent memory with three Landis titles and a streak of twelve-straight playoff appearances, snapped just this last season. So yeah, no pressure, Gregg.

The “Most Likely to Say ‘Damn You, Shoeless’ Aloud Ten Years From Now” Award - Las Vegas Hustlers
The year is 2030, ten years since the novel coronavirus outbreak. The world as we know it is barren, as post-apocalyptic one can be without zombies. The global population is hovering just above one million, with most survivors living in seclusion in the middle of the country. Somewhere in the overgrown tundra of Wisconsin, a brown truck rumbles over the terrain. The make-shift gun turret on the roof swivels freely as the dusty vehicle bounces on the once-paved road. We can make out the automobile as it approaches…a UPS delivery truck. It slows to a stop next to an abandoned building, once a thriving convenience store. From the door-less vehicle steps out a man, his work boot stepping on a cockroach. From his brown short-shorts hang what look to be small human bones. His face covered in soot as he surveys the surrounding. Armed with a flamethrower strapped to his back and a well-used machete in his hand, the man makes his way into the rubble building. After sifting thru the dirt and trash and brick and concrete, he spies something a few feet away. It’s bright orange, or at least that’s how he remembered the color orange to look like. The man takes off his fingerless gloves and pulls the edge of the orange plastic to reveal a small bag of Cheetos. With the understanding that a next meal that didn’t involve rat could be days, if not weeks, away, he knew this is as good as it could get for a while. As the man opened the bag, he sighed and with a chuckle, muttered “Damn you, Shoeless.”

The “I Just Want To Beat Randy and Chris” Award - Long Beach Surfers
Yes, that’s verbatim what Surfers GM Stephen Lane said in the last AFBI podcast. His only goal for the year is to finish better than the San Fernando Bears and Portland Lumberjacks, too. The man has Danya Tchekanov and Gonzalo Martinez and he’s settling for a sixth-place finish? As Long Beach owner O’Shea Jackson’s father once said “Used to be hard, now you're just wet and soft”.

The “Turn a Blind Eye” Award - Louisville Sluggers
Sure, Hugh Mangrouthormone is a funny name. Yes, 12 potential Home Run Power is pretty cool. Know what’s not funny and not cool? -1.9 WAR. Will GM Stephen Shaw actually give “HGH” 500 at-bats while also trying to win a Landis? Some could may argue that one action may not result in the other.

The “Find Any Prospects in Tableau?” Award - Madison Wolves
With a farm system ranked #30 out of 32 teams, one would assume GM Mike Simon prefers making weekly charts and graphs about other teams since the future of his own is so bleek. But who knows? Get enough PP from cranking out all those awesome Tableau pages and you might be able to spend your way into a prospect or two.

The “Shirley Manson Fan Club” Award - Mexico City Aztecs
Anyone else picture Fred making banana bread in his kitchen while singing and twirling in his ‘I Cook As Good As I Look’ apron to Garbage? Nope? Just me? Okay then…

The “Growing Pains” Award - Montreal Blazers
Poor Jeffrey. The guy was thrown into the Montreal front office after a tumultuous exit by the previous general manager. Then his team logo and uniforms aren’t showing up correctly in the game. Then came hiccups while trying to build a new stadium. It’s been a difficult first full year in the BBA for Everrroad. Actually, fuck that. He’s got a 22-year-old coming off an 8.6 WAR rookie season in Lineu Aldo, Eduardo Gonzalez who put up over 5.0 WAR as a teenager, and a slew of other young studs. Screw you, Jeffrey! I’m glad it hasn’t been easy for you!

The “Do We Have a Contingency Plan for the Next Commissioner?” Award - Nashville Bluebirds
Kidane Ata is going to be the death of Recte, I just know it.

The “Dear Lord, Don’t Let Anyone Have Pre-Season Injuries Due To Spring Break Shenanigans" Award - New Orleans Crawdads
Featuring more 21- and 22-year-olds than a "Girls Gone Wild" video, the young Crawdads are sure to contend for the Atlantic Division this year and for the next several years.

The “The Year We Survived Emilio Morales Contract Extension Talks” Award - Omaha Hawks
We know who Morales is. We know how much GM Justin Niles loves Morales. But what we don’t know is if we’ll be able to handle a season of potential contract extension updates along with Morales’ HR total updates. Offering a solution: trade him to a righty-bat-suppressing stadium and we’ll maybe never hear Morales’ name ever again (until Hall of Fame voting and we all know who will be leading that charge.) But then again, where’s the fun in that?

The “Taste of Your Own Medicine” Award - Phoenix Talons
Like his All-Star voting record, I’ll give GM Sean Marko recognition whether deserved or not. And like his team news output, I’m doing the bare minimum but still keeping it on-brand. You keep doing you, Sean.

The “Was Anyone Really Surprised When They Got Indicted on Money Laundering Charges?” Award - Portland Lumberjacks
Gotta big contract you want off your hands? No one has been churning thru large dollar salaries in the last two seasons like GM Chris Wilson. Taking on these whales not only can pique fan interest but also net him some additional pieces for doing you a favor. I just hope they’re keeping all their receipts.

The “Don’t Eat In Class Unless You Can Share With Everyone” Award - Rockville Pikeman
Dempster. Martin. Cannon. Did you hear Danny Leach turned into John Smoltz seemingly overnight? In a league starved for pitching, GM Aaron Weiner and his band of merry arms look like a Soup Plantation in Kenya closed to the public.

The “Someone Check On Mike, I Don’t Think He’s Breathing” Award - San Antonio Outlaws
This was a close one between the Outlaws and Madison Wolves. Maybe because they’re the only two teams with GMs name Mike, maybe not. Anyways, one must think Calvaruso of San Antonio holds his breath during each and every live sim, praying to the OOTP gods that the already paper-thin labrum of Ricardo Rivera and the now twice-repaired elbow ligament of Yrrigs Carpenter hold up. Deep breathes, buddy, you’re going to make it.

The "Screw Baseball, We Challenge You To A Game of Hoops" Award - San Fernando Bears
Featuring Mitchell Swanson (7'3"), Tim Martínez (7'1"), Ben Reynolds (6'10"), and Claudio Delgado (6'9"), the Bears organization would be scary in a pick-up game, or at least be useful helping hang Christmas lights in San Fernando neighborhoods come December.

The “Box Score < Credit Score” Award - Seattle Storm
Have you seen the ticket prices in the Emerald City? Twenty-eight bucks! That’s like half of what Nashville is paying Chin Kim this season. King County Complex might be the only ballpark in which after scanning your ticket, they hand you a wine list.

The “Redefining the Term ‘Two-Way Player’” Award - Twin Cities River Monsters
Did you know Twin Cities is considering letting Ryan Phelps star as THE River Monster on his days off? He doesn’t even need a costume! Let’s just hope his 3/3 Scare Children rating doesn’t keep lumping.

The "Most Likely to Have PornHub Sponsor a Minor League Promotion" Award - Valencia Stars
Ladies and gentlemen, your Stillwater Shockers.
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The “GoFundMe” Award - Vancouver Mounties
Taylor is one of, if not the youngest GMs in the league. He’s done a helluva job getting the Mounties to where they are today. But in the next year or two, Taylor will be facing a difficult class load as he approaches college graduation. Will the Mounties suffer? What about when Taylor joins the working class like the rest of us (aside from Randy, who claims to be a “specialist” in the “Navy”)…could his attention be pulled from what’s important (OOTP) to more menial parts of life (career, family, yada yada yada)? I suggest we start a GoFundMe, chipping in enough money to help Taylor stay unemployed – or at least no more busier than he is right now – so we can see just what this Vancouver franchise is capability of in the next five to six seasons.

The “Let’s Not Make Business Cards Until Year Three” Award - Wichita Aviators
There’s excitement in the air in southern Kansas. Sure, the departure of Stu “The Genius” Hopkins leaves some Aviator fans sad but with Nigel Laverick on-board and with a clear vision of profitability and player development, the club could return to respectable levels in the next few years. That said, Laverick’s M.O. as a fly-by-night general manager will need to be overcome before all are bought in.

The “Best Excuse to Use an ‘Arrested Development’ Reference” Award - Yellow Springs Nine
GM Ron Collins is hoarding blue-rated potential players like it’s toilet paper. The Nine franchise has nineteen – 19! – players with potentials of at least 70. That’s like more than the entire Pacific Division combined. And without further ado, the reference:
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"My $#!? doesn't work in the playoffs." - Billy Beane Joe Lederer

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Re: 2042 Brewster Baseball Association Preview

Post by StormZ_23 » Sun Mar 29, 2020 7:03 pm

Don't worry I always make time for my online leagues
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Re: 2042 Brewster Baseball Association Preview

Post by Fat Nige » Sun Mar 29, 2020 7:09 pm

I’ve got a lot to prove in many respects, let’s hope I don’t disappoint the good folks of Wichita
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Re: 2042 Brewster Baseball Association Preview

Post by drummerJ99 » Sun Mar 29, 2020 7:11 pm

I was really starting to like you....then you had to throw the knuckle curveball. HAHA
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Re: 2042 Brewster Baseball Association Preview

Post by 7teen » Sun Mar 29, 2020 8:57 pm

Nicely done “other” Joe. These types of pieces are always fun to read. I guess I now have to try and beat Long Beach this season.

And I guess I’ll have to side with Taylor on this one. I honestly think I was either a Sr in High School or maybe early college when I first joined on with the GBC. I recall printing off the draft list and sitting in classes trying to figure out who to draft.

You can do this Taylor! Though If exam week falls during the Portland sim you should clearly focus on exams and papers!!
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Madison Wolves 99-2039
JL MW: 99-2009, 17, 20, 21
JL WC: 12
JL: 01, 04, 09, 12
FL Heartland: 32
FL WC: 31, 33
BBA Champs: 04, 09

Portland Lumberjacks 2040-
FL Pacific: 50
FL WC: 49, 51
FL Champs: 49, 51

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Re: 2042 Brewster Baseball Association Preview

Post by shoeless.db » Sun Mar 29, 2020 11:26 pm

Yaaaaassss!
Sacramento Mad Popes (unretired)
-- Vic Caleca Team News Award Winner 2052
-- BBA Champion 2053
-- Pacific Champs 2040, 2042, 2043, 2047, 2048, 2049, 2051, 2053, 2054
Life is a bit more beautiful when time is measured by the half inning rather than the half hour.

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Re: 2042 Brewster Baseball Association Preview

Post by jleddy » Sun Mar 29, 2020 11:51 pm

shoeless.db wrote:
Sun Mar 29, 2020 11:26 pm
Yaaaaassss!
I can only assume your excitement stems from a post-Google Image search of "Bru Luccas thong".
"My $#!? doesn't work in the playoffs." - Billy Beane Joe Lederer

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Re: 2042 Brewster Baseball Association Preview

Post by ae37jr » Sun Mar 29, 2020 11:54 pm

The reports think Brooklyn will be the third best team in the Johnson. Media Guide thinks we'll be the 5th worst. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say somewhere in the middle. `
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Re: 2042 Brewster Baseball Association Preview

Post by usnspecialist » Sun Mar 29, 2020 11:57 pm

my team might be better at basketball than baseball.
Randy Weigand

Havana Sugar Kings/San Fernando Bears: 32-50 (1608-1481)
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Re: 2042 Brewster Baseball Association Preview

Post by RonCo » Mon Mar 30, 2020 12:34 am

Instant classic.

Plan for Post Recte: Recte Clone. Barring that, resurrection.
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Re: 2042 Brewster Baseball Association Preview

Post by RonCo » Mon Mar 30, 2020 12:50 am

Enjoy the Garbage reference, too. I was mega-deep into work when they were truly a thing but when I finally quit the day job I "found" them and spent about a month listening to pretty much nothing else.
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Re: 2042 Brewster Baseball Association Preview

Post by bschr682 » Tue Mar 31, 2020 7:46 am

Damn you shoeless...
GM Vancouver Mounties

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Re: 2042 Brewster Baseball Association Preview

Post by CTBrewCrew » Sat Apr 18, 2020 10:09 pm

Huh? What? MiLB Prospects you say?! Oh WAIT! Silly Rabbit! I had the tableau minor league rankings upside down! Yeah much like a Eunuch, Madison aint got much going on “downtown”. Cupboard was pretty bare when I arrived. The 2040 draft was pretty bad. My 2041 R1 pick is already in BBA.
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