2034 Madison Wolves Preview:

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RonCo
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2034 Madison Wolves Preview:

Post by RonCo » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:47 pm

A PRECISE ANALYSIS OF THE KING OF THE NORTH

Yeah, I'm in GoT Withdrawl. What the hell of it? I mean, Madison's got their Wolves, and it's not like the Sluggers don't take off their team's heads every freakin' year like a Lannister with the noble Hand. The question comes whether Sansa or Jon Snow is the prevailing leader, or whether it's going to be some kind of dual headed approach or whether Danni is just going to control it all. I mean, once you bend the knee to a dragon, as they say, you never go back.

At least that's what I hear.

But there's still a season left and George Martin is apparently going to write his own damned story anyway, so who the hell knows what's happening in that fake world.

Anyway...I'm here to talk about Chris Wilson and the Wolves, who in some ways are more like Tyrian than others...but I digress.

....and, yes, I damned well know that Minnesota is in the north, too...but those River Monsters are sneaky. So much more like Arya rather than ... ah, to hell with it.

[hr]

Last year the Wolves suffered a regression to mean that was a direct result of their horrifying +11 Pyth performance the year before. At least I think it was +11. Something monstrous enough to give YS9 fans nightmares for an entire season. Comeupances are a bitch, we say, and we don’t care if you wear those stupid cheesehead caps on your heads or not. The only redeeming factor in the Madison Wolves‘s karmic favor last year was their front office’s agreement with State Government to create a unique and effective method of keeping Louisville fans out of their stadium for their playoff games.

But then, they never had the goddamned courtesy to take the trash out, just went home, leaving the Sluggers for us to deal with.

Which, of course, we did—last year, anyway, and since we’re a “what have you done for me lately,” kind of country that's all that really matters in the big galactic picture. I heard it from Carl Sagan, so it must be true.

Anyway. The Wolves picked up some players this year. If you consider Mark Totten and Desiderius Kirshbaum players, anyway. At least they traded Dusty Freakin’ Rhodes. He was like a walking torture test. Just dinked and danked and waddled around the bases behind that guy who plays the Flash in real life. Rumors are that Raider might need to move off second, so you see why maybe that had to happen. But, holy hell, man. What’s the over/under on Raider’s career steal number? Pencil in 150 for the season and go from there. The kid is 23. Might play another 15 years. Will probably be stealing a hundred in his walker. I can see it now, hits a button and the big shiny walker hits the afterburners, leaving a trail of weeping catchers.

So, yeah, that’s going to happen again this year.

Baby, you know that's true, said Milli.

Or was it Vanilli. It's hard to remember now.

And that ad guy who smokes cigarettes and bags the girls in the office just because he can will be back and in the middle of the infield. I mean, he’s pretty good on the field, too. His primary purpose seems to be to get on base at a .400 clip and make the average stolen base count between him and Raider be half of Raiders…both of which he’s fantastic at. Madison fans are said to cheer for him in between milking the cows and checking on the beer.

And the beefy guy who hits in the four hole and spends extra time ripping out shirt sleeves…yeah…that guy…the Mick, or something. He’s gonna hit the homers again. I mean, clubbers gonna club, right? And you know what I mean by club, eh? (Wisconsin is close enough to Canada to use “eh” right?)

So the offense is big, big big. As always.

The pitching…well, let’s just say that Nine fans are all just fine seeing that big-assed Free Agent they lost traipsing around in a Rockville uniform. Let’s face it, no GM in the league would do a Totten for Gomez deal, not even Genius on a bender, so that’s gonna sting a bit. At least Soto’s world class, but he’s also 35, so if you’re worried about guys like Jose Chavez (32) or Crash LaLoosh (29) crapping out, you gotta feel for a fan in Madison who has to wonder if the team’s taken out a sidecar bet on Soto imploding just to make the books balance.

It’s enough to make you want to bring Fiscus back, I say. At least he wrote some good team news.

Yes. More Fiscus, said no Madison fan ever…but let’s face it, he could draw a crowd and they say there’s no such thing as bad press.

Which is something we’re hoping the Wolves get this year.

The Heartland is too damned good now, what with Twin Cities getting to big for their britches and Louisville just always going for the full Stu, and now you got Omaha and Mexico City looking like they have ideas that they might well want to win a pennant for some god-unknown reason. I mean, Hell’s Bells, man. Don’t these people know their place? I think we can all agree that it’s much nicer to spend an October night in Madison, Wisconsin watching the Nine play on TV than it is to go to a ballpark that’s frozen over with cheesy milk-laced ice. And the beer just freezes in that kind of weather.

Much better to do like 80 wins and take a Florida vay-cay, right?

I mean, seriously.

Ok…I think we’re done here. I mean, it’s clear as day what this team is going to wind up doing, right? So I wouldn’t think of condescending and actually making a prediction. I respect you too much for that.
Last edited by RonCo on Fri Mar 09, 2018 10:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: 2034 Madison Wolves Preview:

Post by 7teen » Fri Mar 09, 2018 7:42 pm

Nice work. I didn’t understand half of what you said (I’ve never watched a single episode of GoT) but it is safe to say this will be the best written preview of the lot. And if it’s clear as day I wish someone would fill me in on what we’re doing. I’m just flying by by the seat of my pants here.

And two Fiscus references in one day in two different threads.... Madison is doomed for another decade.
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Re: 2034 Madison Wolves Preview:

Post by Spiccoli » Fri Mar 09, 2018 8:47 pm

Holy lol... Did you write this after throwing down a few Yeager bombs at the Pub, while watching Bruins and listening to some Chowderhead rant that Brady gets no respect....
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Re: 2034 Madison Wolves Preview:

Post by RonCo » Fri Mar 09, 2018 9:29 pm

Sometimes the magic just works.

Other times you get something like this.
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Re: 2034 Madison Wolves Preview:

Post by Spiccoli » Sat Mar 10, 2018 4:25 am

RonCo wrote:Sometimes the magic just works.

Other times you get something like this.
?? I liked it!
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Re: 2034 Madison Wolves Preview:

Post by RonCo » Sat Mar 10, 2018 7:49 am

I'm just being silly.
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