2042 Phoenix Talons: If I Were to Preview Them, Anyway

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2042 Phoenix Talons: If I Were to Preview Them, Anyway

Post by RonCo » Thu Mar 26, 2020 6:22 pm

I thought about doing a preview of Phoenix, but then I figured there was no reason because, after all, it’s just another preview and after seventy seasons hasn’t the BBA actually seen enough previews to satisfy? Then again, there are the points to consider. Six of them, all nice and juicy on the vine for the plucking as long as I spend at least a little time talking about the team who actually plays in Arizona after the cactus league breaks up.

A scan of the Phoenix roster would have said that, yes, they do have a few players to talk about, even if the best one is hurt now. I mean, if you can’t squeeze a few points out of writing about Charlie Iron-Knife (8/6/2), the left-handed knuckleballer, then you must be half-dead. His Papillion is a 12, for cryin’ out loud. Twelve! And did I mention he was left-handed? The best news of all is that his injury is really just a bit of forearm tendonitis, so he should be able to pitch—to hell with the fact that his ERA+ has been sub-100 for the past two seasons. He’s Charlie Iron Fucking Knife.

There! How’s that for a preview?

I figure that counts for the rotation, anyway, because there’s not much behind CI-F-K.

Sure, the Talons are throwing Maxence Mace (4/8/7) out there, but, let’s be honest, the guy is 35 and has averaged about 4 K/9 for the last five seasons, and that just can’t cut it. There’s a reason he’s 44-77 during that time span, and it ain’t all a lack of run support. Cesar Aguilar (6/6/6) is a pretty okay looking guy, at least. But … I mean … taking a scan at this rotation leaves me with the feeling that GM Sean Marko hired Mork From Ork to build his staff, and then the guy got half way through and said “screw it!” and Nanu-nanued away with Mindy to go make little Morks.

(Google it, Taylor)

The silver lining is that the bullpen doesn’t look horrible. In fact, the Talons managed to wind up in the middle of the pack pitching wise last year, and the bullpen was a reasonable portion of that. The addition of 22-year-old Mitchell Purseell to Nate Horswill has to be a benefit, and 31-year-old Alexandre Renard has to bounce back to form, right? Please? Tell me I’m right. I mean, crap, man, this preview would have been worth every one of those six sweet points. Please tell me I’m right. Lefty Mathew Mangual has been productive in the right places. And 25 year-old Julio Cuevas is a bonafide closer if the gang can get the game to him.


So, hmmm…I guess what I’m saying is I could see the Talons going full Mtume on a couple guys just to see what the heck might happen. I mean, what do they have to lose? Do that, or open the pocket books for another starter, and I think the pitching will be better this year…injuries willing, anyway.


And that’s going to be important, because unlike other editions of the Talons, the 2041 offense was pretty close to putrid. Their 771 runs were good for 14th in the Johnson. Not what the homer-happy club is used to seeing. If we were really writing a preview, we’d talk about the strikeouts, of which Phoenix batters create a lot. But no one in Phoenix cares about them, so why should we?

But, just in case…Weaver Ripley (one of my favorite custom Ammies) looks like he’ll be back. He struck out 196 tames last year, barely avoiding achieving the 200 mark for the third straight season (and 4th in five years) only because 83 of his plate appearances were in the minors…where he struck out an additional 28 times. So. Yeah. Ultimately, Weaver’s big concern is the power, which left him. If he can hit 25 doubles and 35 HR, then the Ks can be tolerated. Otherwise, he’s a AAA player.

The team is clearly hoping rookie second baseman Chua-Kah Yang will save them from having to watch another season of Arturo Barron, who also struck out 204 times last year. While OBPing just .275. That just can’t happen again. Yang may or may not quite be ready, but something’s got to break soon.

LF Jose Colon was third on the K-list for Phoenix, but at least that looks like a little bit of an outlier. If he plays like the 2.5 WAR rookie he was before that, things should look better.

Anyway. You get the idea. Or, at least you’d get the idea if I was writing another one of those boring previews you’ve already seen too many of just to pad my PPT count. Which I’m most definitely deciding not to do at this point. Who would read it, right?

Who would spend their time thinking about the debut of the splendid rookie Norihisa Yokoyama in the outfield? The kid dropped a 68 homer, 9 WAR bomb on AAA pitching, after all. Move along. Nothing to see here. At least that’s what GM Marko probably hopes Frontier pitchers will think. For a while, anyway (no, that 68 is not a typo). At 28, Bartolo Ortiz is going strong and putting up numbers around his prime. Have I said he doesn’t strike out much? Perhaps it slipped my mind. It’s the kind of thing I would say for the extra points, but since I’m not doing that, I won’t say it.

Look, the bottom line is that the Talons really should score more runs. Yes, the Talented Mr. Ripley’s regression has hurt, but they’ve got some kids, and if Sang-duk Sim’s injury winds up not being too bad, they don’t really have any holes. The Talon offense was upper half the season prior to last, so some bounce back to mean is to be expected anyway, right?

So, if I were actually writing a preview rather than just looking at those sweet six points of participation splendor, I’d point out that the kids in Phoenix should be expected to top last season’s 65 wins by simply falling out of bed. The question is how much of that drop oiff is due to just odd luck, and how much of a bounce back to assume. Figure the offense will get a couple games better, the pitching, maybe four or five more. The Talons won 65, and by base runs should have won 66.

So, if I had been writing a real preview, and trying to pad my points by projecting the future, I’d have said the Talons would take home 74 wins as a minimum in 2042. If you think the luck pendulum will swing there way, I wouldn't have argued against 76 or 78.

That seems like it should have been worth six points, right?
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Re: 2042 Phoenix Talons: If I Were to Preview Them, Anyway

Post by jleddy » Thu Mar 26, 2020 6:29 pm

Can't wait to read the preview.
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Re: 2042 Phoenix Talons: If I Were to Preview Them, Anyway

Post by shoeless.db » Thu Mar 26, 2020 6:36 pm

If this was an actual reply to your topic and not just an obvious grab to boost my message count up for the PP, I’d say this was a pretty great non-team preview.
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Re: 2042 Phoenix Talons: If I Were to Preview Them, Anyway

Post by RonCo » Thu Mar 26, 2020 6:37 pm

If I was actually writing one, I'd have fixed a link and added a link.
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Re: 2042 Phoenix Talons: If I Were to Preview Them, Anyway

Post by HoosierVic » Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:04 pm

The Phoenix Talons prefer to check the forums once per fiscal quarter, so the Phoenix Talons estimate the Phoenix Talons will have time to read this non-preview of the Phoenix Talons some time in late June.

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Re: 2042 Phoenix Talons: If I Were to Preview Them, Anyway

Post by jiminyhopkins » Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:07 pm

Of all the years the Talons have played in the BBA, 2042 will be one of them.
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Re: 2042 Phoenix Talons: If I Were to Preview Them, Anyway

Post by StormZ_23 » Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:09 pm

I googled it. I've heard of Mork and Mindy but I've never seen it.
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Re: 2042 Phoenix Talons: If I Were to Preview Them, Anyway

Post by CTBrewCrew » Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:57 pm

shoeless.db wrote:
Thu Mar 26, 2020 6:36 pm
If this was an actual reply to your topic and not just an obvious grab to boost my message count up for the PP, I’d say this was a pretty great non-team preview.
Exactly 😛
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