"Simon Devines the Doubleday"

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"Simon Devines the Doubleday"

Post by recte44 » Sun Aug 21, 2016 6:27 pm

by Simon Wright, "SpaceNinja"

After seeing Braveheart and Brian fumble the Doubleday predictions, I'm here to show you how it's done. I'm not just going to make some silly, feebleminded predictions based on my own pathetic opinions... I shall consult the spirit world! Through the magic of anagrams!

Montreal vs. Buffalo

"Montreal Blazers" turns into "Lorenz Beats Mral." Assuming that Mral is just a sort of slangy way of saying Montreal, this one is totally in the bag. It couldn't be any clearer.

For a little more detail, Buffalo becomes "Oaf Flub." Expect a lot of ridiculous errors from Montreal in this battle of the FLA.

Buffalo in Three.

Salt Lake City vs. Birmingham.

"Salt Lake City Missions" turns into a truly ghastly prediction: "Simon Kills Ace. Is Tasty." Does this mean that SLC owner and sexy, sexy man Simon Wright will rush onto the field and devour Ace Holder? Or does it mean he will simply devour the team's literal ace, Corey Aubrey? Certainly one will happen, but which? WHICH?

The Birmingham Bandits are a little lacking in vowels, so instead we'll look at their pitchers, to see which will survive. "Ace Holder" becomes "Earl: Chode." Since Holder is pitted up against Earl Pulver in game three, he will clearly be victorious.

Shockingly, though, Corey Aubrey turns into "Bury Your Ace"!!! Well, actually, "Bury Yoer Ace," or "Bure Your Ace," which works if you pronounce it like Pavel. So the spirits can't spell very well. Nonetheless, they are clearly pointing towards Corey Aubrey dying a horrible death in game one. Additionally, Pete Bucher becomes "The Cub Peer"... can you say choker? The Bandits pitching is doomed.

SLC in Four.

Washington vs. Vancouver.

Washington Bobwhites becomes ""The Big Ho" S-Neb Wins Two." Clearly, the powers that be don't like Steve Nebraska any more than the rest of us, however, they know that Vancouver won't be able to pull off a win in either of his starts.

But will Vancouver manage to sweep the rest of the games out from under the Bobwhites' collective noses? Mounties becomes "No Time. U.S." The plucky Canadians will clearly lose the first two games in Washington, rally back for another two at home, but fall in the deciding game five against Nebraska.

Washington in Five.

Marquette vs. Louisville.

"Marquette Suns" becomes "Mutant's Queers." This means something.

Louisville in Three.

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