Diary of a New Owner, Part 1- Bisbo's first TN

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Diary of a New Owner, Part 1- Bisbo's first TN

Post by recte44 » Sun Aug 21, 2016 6:22 pm

I thought it would be a long, arduous application and interview process - but here I am, after one lousy post, the new owner of the Calgary Marauders! Having now actually read some of the Constitution, I see no reference to the $100 application fee the Commissioner requested - must be in one of the forum updates.

First order of business is to find out exactly where Calgary is... after poring over my trusty atlas for 45 minutes, I come to the horrifying conclusion it is not in the US. The Commish tells me its in "Alberta", as if that's a help. Only this morning do I learn I am the owner of a Canadian baseball team!

I do not know what people in Calgary do for entertainment, other than maraud. I decide immediately that I will be an absentee owner. I also resolve to pile up Participation Points so I can relocate this team as soon as possible.

I am nervous about placing this article here. Is it a League Feature, or is it simply Team News? I don't want to embarass myself with my very first post, but I also need to start racking up the PPs if I'm ever going to move this franchise. Maybe I'll put "Part 1" in the title, to make it seem like an ongoing column and stick it here, and hope I get the 4+PPs. I tell my staff (i.e. me) to keep their fingers crossed.

I am very nervous about taking over this team. It has been very successful over the last few seasons, but the wheels are about ready to fall off. Lots of old players and very few prospects in the minors. Fortunately, I've already been contacted by several owners who are willing to trade me some 20 year old "sleepers" for my some of my veterans. They also say its a good sign if other owners (or even the Commissioner) say I was 'taken' - just means that I got a bargain that they really wanted for themselves. I'm glad they are taking me under their wings.

I've also been asked by several owners what % gay I am. Its a strange question, and one I've not really focused on before. Let's see: married (-10%) to a woman (-15%) with two kids (-10%); voted for Anthony Federov 2x on American Idol (+25%); saw the ABBA musical 'Mamma Mia' (+5%) and LOVED it (+20%); don't own any grooming products other than a bar of Ivory soap (-20%); read Elizabeth Taylor's autobiography (+10%) twice (+20%) - so I guess I'm around 25%. I resolve to stay out of the locker room before and after games.

Now I must spend some time studying my roster....

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Re: Diary of a New Owner, Part 1- Bisbo's first TN

Post by Lane » Sun Aug 21, 2016 6:27 pm

Awesome


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Re: Diary of a New Owner, Part 1- Bisbo's first TN

Post by recte44 » Sun Aug 21, 2016 6:31 pm

Yes, this is a preview of the awesome writing style that is Bisbo's.

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Re: Diary of a New Owner, Part 1- Bisbo's first TN

Post by udlb58 » Tue Aug 23, 2016 1:27 pm

Hilarious. "spend some time studying [his] roster..." Sounds vaguely like he was just going to masturbate
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Re: Diary of a New Owner, Part 1- Bisbo's first TN

Post by trmmilwwi » Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:53 pm

Buckle your seat belts kids..
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