He Who Walks Behind the Rows Offseason 2048 Pt 1

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FuzzyRawley
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He Who Walks Behind the Rows Offseason 2048 Pt 1

Post by FuzzyRawley » Sat Nov 20, 2021 1:54 pm

Corn.jpg
Are you horrified by watching paint dry? Or maybe watching corn grow? Well then, you'll be horrified by boredom by Des Moines' offseason!

Its especially horrifically boring because Des Moines is finally free of dead money, which at one point in the last few seasons, totalled over $30 million (or in farming parlance, that 40,100 acres of corn field revenue...I looked it up). Now that the dead money is gone and ticket prices are up, the Kernels had a whopping $12 million to spend in FA. Hopefully, for boredom's sake, they start winning more so that the budget can increase from the basement.

Its no secret that the offense sucks, but most positions are tied up with more than capable players who, well, are just sucking more than they should. Therefore, aside from looking for an upgrade at SS, the Kernels are focussing their transactions on minor pitching upgrades (cause in the words of the great Samuel L. Jackson "Muthafucka, you ain't signing shit with yo weak ass $12 million!).

With that pearl of wisdom in mind, Des Moines jumped out of the FA gate and signed 23-year old Dutch Antillean (and noted bitterballen lover) Manuel Camacho to a 5-year, $25 million contract. This contract is a stretch for Camacho, but ain't nobody want to play in Des Moines and word has it that it at least has a team option involved. With a 4 pitch repertoire and decent control, maybe this pitcher earns his keep and even improves.

The next move, happened in the Rule 5 draft. Des Moines picked up reliever Javier Baca from the Mexico City Aztecs. Baca is a cheap, depth piece that will provide some stability in the bullpen and may be called upon to spot start from time to time.

So, there you have it, two mediocre pitching signings, that are horrifically boring and will not lead to a Des Moines winning season, but may help raise the win count from 59 to 69 (a stretch, but one can dream).

Bitterballen for reference and scale.
bitter ballen.jpg
bitter ballen.jpg (7.7 KiB) Viewed 1240 times
:cool: They say it don't be like it is, but it do!

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Re: He Who Walks Behind the Rows Offseason 2048 Pt 1

Post by scottsdale_joe » Sat Nov 20, 2021 3:28 pm

Well done.
Liked it.

Agree that Camacho achieving much outside of the UMEBA is an optimistic stretch.
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