Donnybrook in Des Moines!

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Donnybrook in Des Moines!

Post by FuzzyRawley » Wed Oct 07, 2020 7:21 pm

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Roh Rindfleisch Des Moines Register

One does not often hear the term Donnybrook applied to baseball when the benches clear. A modern-day baseball “brawl” has more in common with Michael Jackson’s Beat It video that it does with a classic Donnybrook. (I am told by GM Geoff Webb that one does not classify a hockey fight a Donnybrook unless a yard sale is declared and goalies have left their nets to trade haymakers.)
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The exact circumstances that led to the declaration of a Donnybrook are a little muddy at this point but it started when Des Moines SS Luis Cruz was beaned by SP Juan Ruizin the bottom of the 2nd. Cruz charged the mound as is customary resulting Ruiz in retaliating by throwing the rosen bag at Cruz’s face. Normally, this is where the benches clear and ballplayers start their well choreagraphed Beat It dance. However, this was not to be this day. Chalk it up to bad blood between Cruz and Ruiz (Ruiz is rumoured to have called Cruz’s mother a puta) or the fact that players on both teams are just fed up with living in Des Moines and Omaha, but this situation went from a minor fracas to a Donnybrook faster than Des Moines coach Dick Pinard can polish off a two-four of Labatt 50 and a pound of poutine.

Umpires quickly lost control of the situation and in no time multiple members of both organizations had squared up. One player who had no problem handling multiple on comers was Norihisa 'Knuckles' Yokoyama, better know as Nori “Knuckles” (heavily rumoured to be former Yakuza muscle). Yokoyama was seen dispatching various Cyclones using a mesmerizing style that can only be described as mix of ninjitsu, drunken monkey-style and MC Hammer on crack. In the end, its amazing that he wasn’t suspended as well, especially after the Nunchuks appeared.

It took the umps several minutes to get everything under control, but at that point, with all the various bats, hats, gloves and helmets on the ground a yard sale had definitely happened. Catchers Luis Barrera and John Todd were also observed trading punches and spitting chiclets so therefore, all requirements for a Donnybrook had been met.

Maybe to keep fans interested in corn-country or just because the league was so mesmerized by the brutality of it all, only Cruz and Ruiz walked away with suspensions. The former only getting two games while the latter got five. Its pretty obvious that Ruiz got more because he’s just a dick.

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Re: Donnybrook in Des Moines!

Post by shoeless.db » Thu Oct 08, 2020 10:47 am

I picture this fight like the fight-scene in Anchorman.
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